Happenings of 2015

Hi Fabulous Loves,

As I write this update, we have two days until Christmas and in eight days we will be celebrating and ringing in a new year.  A lot has happened in 2015 and I'm grateful for every adventure.  Even though I'm grateful for the many wonderful things that took place in 2015, I'm ready for a fresh and new start.  This upcoming year will be a year filled with lots of love, blessings, spontaneous moments, wealth, great health, a closer relationship with God, passion, and fulfilled goals.  I'm so excited that my list of 400 things to do in my life continues to both shrink and grow.  It's growing because currently the list is at 123 items and I continue to add to it.  It's shrinking because I've crossed off about 6-10 things on the list. It's exciting every time I reach for my yellow highlighter and highlight something I've accomplished.

As I reflect, I think back to January when I was feeling a little disillusioned.  Unemployed and growing frustrated, I was looking forward to my DR trip in February.  The thought of having the sun bathe my skin from head to toe, while sitting at the pool drinking fruity drinks, as I got lost in my book reading, excited and energized me.  I would spend a few days away from reality.  I love my girl's only trips.  February came around and off we went.  It was such a beautiful time.  I enjoyed my getaway.  It was refreshing and I came back to a job!  The week before going on my trip I interviewed with a company and although I wasn't crazy about it, it was a job - and the bills were steadily coming in.  Bills stop for no one!  On the day that we were leaving, I received an email offering me the job, which I quickly accepted.  While the ladies that I was with talked about enjoying the their day off when they arrived home, I was thinking about what to wear to on my first day of work!   That was 10 months ago!  It's been interesting, but I'm here.

Here I am in Punta Cana, DR.

The next few months were spent getting the house organized, as it had been a several months since we'd moved in.  My middle daughter had also made the decision that she wanted to finish her senior year up here; so we were - or perhaps I was - mentally preparing for the transition.  June rolled around and the end of the school year was here. I drove with my little one to pick up the middle child. The transition hasn't been too difficult; although a bit challenging but that was to be expected.

In August, hubby and I celebrated 7 years of marital bliss.  Time has certainly flown by. SEVEN YEARS!!!  But I've been truly blessed and I couldn't imagine life without Mr. D. Just the other day I was partaking in a conversation where one person made a comment along the lines of "when we argue, we throw things, we're yelling at each other, we're telling each other to get out..." and I just stood there like wow. The individual says - "why do you look surprised?" I responded, and I think she believes I was lying...."In the seven years that Mr. D and I have been together, we have never raised our voices nor our hands; and we have definitely never uttered the words get out or cursed at each other".  I don't see a point in doing so.  When you treat someone that way, you are not only disrespecting that person, you're disrespecting yourself.  If you get to a point that you can't stand someone, leave.  YES - it is that simple. I don't care how many years you have invested or what material things you've accumulated.  No one deserves to be disrespected and mistreated and material things can be bought again.  Believe me - I've left and started over twice.  I don't plan on ever having to do that again, but if I had to - I wouldn't second guess myself.  The first time I was married. I packed what I could and left in my car.  It wasn't a healthy environment and it was time I left.  Sadly, I didn't take the time to fix ME and ended up in a similar situation later on and after two and a half years, I left that relationship also. My only regret was not leaving sooner.

Anyways - my relationships will be further discussed in my book - coming in 2016! I'm putting it out there - I've been working on this book for quite some time and I am committed to finishing it in 2016! Stay tuned :-) 

This year, for our family vacation we spent a week in Mexico.  It was so much fun!!!  We went in August and let me tell you - IT. WAS. HOT.  I love the heat, as you all know, but oh my that was brutal.

Here we are in Cancun, Mexico...

It was the girl's first time in Mexico and Mr. D's first time in Cancun. We all enjoyed it and will definitely be going back in the near future: Just not in August!!!

After I graduated and received my bachelor's degree last year, I enrolled in the master's program. Unfortunately, I lost my job shortly after and I just wasn't in a good place mentally or emotionally to focus on graduate school work - so I withdrew.  I knew that I would eventually return, but I wasn't sure 'when'.  During our time in Mexico, we spent some time thinking of our future in terms of goals and things that we want to accomplish; both short and long term plans.  I mentioned wanting to return to school and get the master's degree.  After much prayer and talking it out with my inner circle, I contacted RWC and informed them that I wanted to return. I was ready.

My official acceptance!  Lord willing, I will walk the stage at RWC once again in May of 2017!  I'm three modules in....nine more to go and I can't wait. I'm excited.

The busiest time in our lives happens during the final months of the year.  This year, my darling, turned 50!  I am so happy that he is just like me in terms of age - it is just a number. So whether we are 40, 50, or 60 - we don't lie nor are we ashamed about our age! As Mr. D says - he is like wine - he gets better with age. And oh yes he does!!!

One thing about him however, is that he does not like to make a big fuss about things. I on the other hand, I make a big deal about everything!!!  So off course I was planning a surprise gathering for him and he - as I suspected, loved every minute of it. Here's a few pics....

I kept it very small and very intimate. We were surrounded by close friends that mean everything to us; and it was perfect.  I booked a suite at the Woodcliff Lodge & Spa and gave the room key to one of my girl's, who went in early and set-up and let every one in... we arrived at the set time and surprised him.  Everyone was gone by 10pm and we enjoyed some much needed R&R.  I love that man to the moon and back :-)

As December rolled around, it was time for more celebrations.  My first born turned 23 on December 19th; my middle one will be 18 on the 27th and my baby turns 14 on January 6th!!!

We are looking forward to all the wonderfulness that 2016 has in-store for us.  Vacations, college, promotions, better health - goals accomplished!  Oh I almost forgot to mention - a huge item being checked off my bucket list is me learning to swim!!!  I tried lessons in the past and I stopped after session 2. The young lady was just an awful instructor. I'm sorry - but she was!!!  The interesting thing about life is, if you truly and really want and desire something, the fire will keep burning inside of you and it will not die down UNTIL you go for what you want.  So I followed the recommendation of one of my girl's and called the Y. We chatted and I signed up! Move over Michael Phelps - cause here I come. Okay, not really - but hey I'll be backstroking and butterflying in no time.

Here I am - getting ready to head to the Y. Two lessons down - nine to go.

A few notable moments of 2015:
1. Paid of some debt
2. My Munchkinmellow made honor roll
3. My Monster got a 101 on one of her exams
4. Had a surprise party for one of my BFF's
5. Enjoyed the company of numerous married couples during a "couples only game night" at a friends house - that was so much fun!
6. Celebrated the huge accomplishment of my other BFF as she received her Master's
7. And my darling Mr. D, blessed me with a new camera.... some may remember that I did photography a few years back. The frustration was getting to me and I sold everything (behind Mr. D's back)! Thankfully he didn't blow a gasket and he simply asked why. I told him and he reassured me that when I was ready, he'd bless me with a camera.  So be on the look out as I'll be back. :-)

As we say goodbye to 2015, it has been a great year. We've accomplished a lot.  We know that 2016 will be so much better and our blessings will be quadrupled!

We hope to share with you - and not just via social media - but in real life. That's where its at!

2015 Reflections

As we set to wrap up yet another year, I want to pause and give thanks.

I want to thank my friends, my close, tight, and intimate group that keep me grounded.  Life without you would be uneventful - mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  We make each other laugh, we keep each other accountable, we keep each other motivated, and we keep each other uplifted.  We've shared tears, laughs, hugs, intimate stories, goals, frustrations, heartaches, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear - we've shared a version of ourselves that not many are privileged too - and for that I am thankful.  

I wish you lots of love - self love and love from your dear ones.  I wish you financial wealth; whether it's $1,000 or $1 million - whatever will bring you comfort, security, and joy - may you receive it.  I wish you mental stability.  I wish you confidence - a self confidence that is not conceited; but one of grace and authenticity.  I wish you honor and respect - but remember that it starts with YOU.  Show people how to treat you and do not settle for less - EVER!. I wish you professional growth - in your current field or wherever God may lead you.  Let the past stay in the past. We're approaching a new year - a new beginning; let go.  May this new year be filled with positive experiences beyond your wildest dreams.  I'm honored to have you in my life. This up coming year, is truly going to be our best one yet!

To my family - we didn't choose each other; God had an awesome plan when He chose us to be forever connected.  We have wasted enough time with jealousy, comparing ourselves to one another, with gossip, with put downs, with letting our ego and pride get in the way.  We need to do better. We need to BE better!  God put us together for a reason.  Let's stop making excuses and let's stop letting others get in our way of being a family.  None of us are better than the other; regardless of who has a job, who drives what type of car, who is married, who is engaged, who lives where - we can do better than that!  This up coming each let's make a promise to be more in each other's lives; and not only when you need something - but all the time.  Let's connect. Let's be present.  We didn't choose each other, but God did and He did it for a reason.  Let's make sure that our kids know each other and grow up with one another.  Let's do better for our next generation.   I give thanks because although we truly haven't been there for each other, we have an opportunity to begin again.  We are all breathing - we still have a chance.  I give God thanks for my brothers, my sister, my nieces and nephews.  I give thanks to God for my cousins, aunt, and uncles. I give thanks for my grandmother. Most importantly, I give thanks to God for my Mom, Dad and my step-parents.  We have a huge family - and we have lots of places to visit. So let's connect!

My darling husband and kids - We've had a fun year. We've settled in our home. We went to Mexico, went to a few parks, celebrated a milestone birthday, celebrated other birthdays, and soon my Munchkinmellow will go off to college.  We have a lot planned for 2016 and I cannot wait.  As I work on my Master's degree, I thank you for your support, James. Without you, this journey would be a hellish one! Thank you for always supporting me. I can't wait to see what surprises 2016 will bring. My Monster will turn 14 and in a few short years, she too will be off to college. Ah - then the real fun begins ;-)  My Parker - has his own place and is making positive changes in his life.  For you, my son, my prayer is that you learn to be patient and stay focused in the current; make a plan and break it down to bite size pieces - tackling one thing at a time.  I pray for confidence and for you never to quit!  You have a drive and hunger for success - keep it up. Don't ever - ever give up! Believe in yourself, like I believe in you.  2016 - we're ready for you!

And I'll close with this: Maryann, I thank you for being you.  Always pushing the limits and never doubting your abilities.  Continue pushing forward and never let go of your sense of wonder. The world is yours to conquer!

Just Me - Maryann

It's been a while - I know.  A lot has happened since the last time I wrote on this blog.  I've been submerged in a self-discovery journey, and it has been amazing!!!  I'm all about growth, empowerment, knowledge, and fun.

Since I could remember I've tried to be an entrepreneur because that is what EVERYONE was doing.  I felt like I was missing out.  Through my recent journey of figuring out WHO Maryann is - this is what I discovered.  Before you proceed - grab a cup of tea or coffee...or depending on the time, a glass of wine and enjoy the following.

**As always, I'd love to hear from you** 

I was laying in bed the other night and as I laid there thinking, something hit me. I've been feeling like this for quite some time; actually, years I think!  I've jumped around from one thing to next and this has happened on and off over the past twenty or so years!!!  Discovery Toys, Lea Sophia, Avon, Mary Kay, Photography, Steeped Tea, Coaching biz....and honestly, I have no emotional connection to ANY OF IT!!!  Avon was fun because I got discounts on some of their cool little stuff; but it was too much of a hassle and the discounts were not worth the headaches.  Mary Kay, I LOVE but again, the 'selling' it just not me. Photography, I loved and I miss it at times, but not as a business.  I just want to snap pictures.  I don't want to advertise, sell, edit, print, etc. I just want to pull my camera out and snap away.  The money was good - but I wasn't doing it for the money - so that incentive means nothing to me. The other stuff: Discovery Toys - that was so long ago, when I first had my son.  I got involved with that again, for the discount but I should of known THEN that 'selling' was not my thing.  As I enjoy tea, I tried Steeped Tea! However, I'm a coffee drinker - FOR LIFE.  I have so much tea at home that even if I don't order anything for a while, I'll be set.  Again, the hassle of 'selling', ordering, parties, packing, unpacking - it just wasn't worth it. So I stopped. NOW - to the big one...my recent venture...coaching and writing a book.

People always say that if we have a story to share, we should because we don't know who we could help; our story can impact someone and propel them into the right direction.  I disagree.  Not 'everyone' needs to hear about my life's journey.  I've come to realize this: Those that I choose to share my story with - will hear it.  I'm not one for glitz and glamour - as shocking as that might be.  I don't need to be up on a podium with the lights shinning on me. That's not me.  I rather be in my jeans and t-shirt - sipping a drink and having intimate conversations with my close girlfriends.  All of our lives have had ups and downs - hell I know I can be an impact right in my intimate circle; perhaps helping one of my close girlfriends open up and blossom...having them be in the spot light because that's what they may desire. Me - I'm in the background - where I like to be.  I'll be the one cheering you on or wiping your tears away; or giving you a pep talk when you need it...Whatever you need me to be - in the background, I will be.

I don't want to be a boss, CEO, or president of any company.  Believe it or not, not everyone wants to be in the spot light.  Conversely, there a many who are leaders behind the scenes.  That's where I am.  I don't want to be a final decision maker...yes, providing input is one thing but being the final decision maker....NOPE not me. I don't want the pressure or stress.  I don't want to be a speaker - I don't want the light shinning on me.  I don't want to 'publish' a book.  All the shit that has happened to me over the years, I continue to heal from, and yes - the writing process has been helping ME and those that I choose to share it with - but not with the public; not publicized for all to see.

I chose to get my bachelor's degree because I wanted to show my children that even though life happens, you still have choices in life; it's your life and although you may be dealt certain cards - you can throw that hand in and ask for a re-deal. I've chosen now to get my master's for me!  It's going to be mine...and all mine. I'm not going to have a party - like I did with my bachelor's.  I wanted to share that with a lot of people - and I did...sadly, some of those people that I did celebrate with, I don't even talk too anymore.  And I'm at peace with that.

For my master's I will celebrate with my man in Tahiti - although I graduate May 2017 and Tahiti will be April/May 2018...I will also celebrate with my intimate group of girlfriends [they know who they are]...we'll take a trip somewhere and bask in the sun as we love to do - sit on the beach and listen to the waves crash against the shoreline....

I don't mind giving advice.  I don't mind listening. I enjoy both of those activities...they are part of who I am.  However, I don't want to advertise. I don't want to charge.  I don't want to speak, I don't want to plan.  My mindset is right where it needs to be: friends, family, self...{before all is God of course!}

I just want to be Maryann...wearing jeans and a t-shirt and maybe a cute scarf....sipping an ice cold beer or drinking a fruity drink - maybe with an umbrella.

I want to get up and go to work. I enjoy what I do and Lord knows I have the easiest job at the moment!!! I'm learning some new things and that creates the challenge that I enjoy; and truthfully, I won't ever make six-figures here, but it's okay. I'm happy! That's what really matters.  I want to go to the gym after work, and eventually reach my goal weight 160-170 toned!!!  I know I can do it - just need to focus and commit.  I want to learn to swim.  I want to collect lots and lots of stamps in my passport!  I want to get together with my girlfriends and hang out at the movies, go to the spa, go on vacation, go shopping, talk and relax...go for walks....breathe fresh air.  I want to grow with my man: mentally, physically, emotionally, mentally, intimately, and spiritually - and do whatever we want - and not having to worry about other commitments, because my focus and commitments will be: self, friends, family, and God.  Outside of that - nothing matters.  I do want to get back to church...all churches will have issues and clicks, and dysfunction - my focus needs to be in my relationship with God.

It's not to say that all I want to do is live life without a care in the world; that's just plain insanity and unreal.

There are ways for me to pay it forward and be an inspiration to others outside of my intimate circle. It's called - living an authentic lifestyle.  It's also called being involved.  I'm involved with two great organizations: Dress for Success as a First Impressions Coach.  This opportunity allows me to instill not only job readiness skills to women, but also life skills in general.  There's also a chance for me to get involved in one of their committees so I would be involved and have an impact from the inside out.  Then there's STAAR Leaders of Rochester - which I'm on the board.  I know there's room for major life changing events and involvements with this group.  

I'm looking forward to all the new, fun, and exciting things that have already started to take shape.  My gifts will keep on giving :-) 

When you know who you genuinely are, you've discovered the secret to LIFE! 

Most fabulously, I'm looking forward to being just Maryann.

The Best is Yet to Come

It has been a while!   

Summer is officially over as school has started.  For many, including me, the first day of school signifies cool mornings, chilly nights, crock pots, paperwork overload, homework, early bedtime, early rising, shorter days, longer nights, football, foliage, pumpkin spice flavoring, and swapping out your short sleeves for long ones.

A lot has been happening since the last time I wrote and I continue to say that I will write more frequently, but as we all know – life happens!

My daughter came up to visit and the entire family spent 7 wonderful days in Myrtle Beach, SC.  Let me say that although they were 7 wonderful days, I realized a few things while on vacation.  Being in a room with 2 teenagers and your hubby – 24/7 does something to the psyche!  

1.       If the commute is over 7 hours, we are flying

2.       If we are traveling for 4 days or longer, we are getting all inclusive

3.       If we are traveling with the kid(s), we are getting adjoining rooms or a 2 bedroom suite

Love them all, but I need my space (and) sanity.

Learning never stops and that is a good thing.  I have heard the saying before, but recently it has stuck and I look forward to learning.  So, I applied to 2 graduate schools and thank the Mighty Lord above, I was accepted into both!  I decided to return to where I received my undergraduate from Roberts Wesleyan College. The school, staff, and faculty are all great and the decision was relatively easy.

By now the entire nation knows of the passing of Joan Rivers.  Closer to home, the community of Rochester, NY lost three individuals (sadly by the publishing of this blog, there may have been more).  One was due to the continued violence and disregard for human life.  The other, husband and wife – on their way to vacation.  I bring these deaths up because, life is short!  We know that we will all die - sooner or later…but when someone dies, it hits us.  Whether we ‘know them’ from their comedy routines or their talk shows, or we have personally shaken their hands, death sucks.  It does not matter if the person is old and ill or if the death was unexpected. It hits us hard and for a moment, we all stop to reflect and ponder about life.

We make vows to quit smoking, quit cursing, go to church, stop drinking, go to bed early, live life to the fullest, exercise, make amends and complete the items on your “honey-do list”.  But all those ‘good deeds’ last for only a moment – just like New Year’s resolutions.

I am one to make goals and plan ahead.  Always am, and always will – that’s just my nature.  But I also have embraced the fact of living in the moment.  We just don’t know when our life will end – life is short and very unpredictable.  Yes, it is good to make goals – after all, remember we just don’t know when our turn meet Jesus at the Pearly Gates will come – so you can’t live life on a whim.  We must live on purpose.  So while we need to make goals and work towards achieving those goals, we must continue to live in the moment.  So what does living in the moment look like? Well, here’s how I see it:

1.       Read a book for fun

2.       Subscribe to your favorite magazine

3.       Enjoy a fresh cup of coffee

4.       Take a bubble bath…

5.       Or a nice long hot shower

6.       If you loathe your job, start looking for a new one today

7.       But first update your resume and have it looked over by a professional

8.       Have dessert first

9.       Have breakfast for dinner

10.   If you want a drink – well by golly have the drink – just not the entire bottle!

11.   If you’ve always wanted to travel, pick a place, Google it, and call a travel agent – I recommend Patty, she’s wonderful – and just go!

12.   If you’ve been tempted to try a new hairdo/color, go for it! It’s only hair, it will grow back

The list can go on and on – you get the point I hope.  On a more serious note, I will end with this…if you have children or property of any type, you should have a will!  In addition to having a will, you should have medical proxy and details of what YOU want done in the event that……….

The roses are still out, so stop and smell them. Better yet, stop at a florist shop and buy yourself a few.  Go buy a nice pumpkin spice latte, put on a scarf and walk the neighborhood. Go live in the moment.

Until next time,

Me 

Beautiful sunset in Myrtle Beach

Myrtle Beach

Let's Chat

My prayer is that as you read this, you are healthy and truly blessed!

During the recent social craze of "I'm so (wherever you grew up at)", a friend of mine quoted a saying that got me thinking. The quote 'it's not where you're from but where you're at' spoke volumes to me. Not in relation to the social craze - but life in general.
 
To some people I'm stuck-up, snooty, rude, hell I've even been called an Uncle Sam. The last one actually still causes me to chuckle! I've been admired for my strength, courage, resilience, and toughness. I consider myself a realist! Life can sometimes make you feel as though an 18-wheeler has permanently taken residence on your heart. You're broken: mentally, financially, emotionally, socially...and even spiritually. If you're human - life is tough. Everyone goes through things: divorce, abuse, bankruptcy, friendships ends {this one is the hardest for me to handle - keeping it real with you}. Everyone has lost a job; by choice or not. Life is an interesting journey.
  Growing up, you hoped to graduate school, go to college, land that fabulous gig, get married, have 2 or 3 perfect children, and live happily ever after. Sitting down each and every evening - as one unit -nourishing your bodies with the freshly cooked meal that mom has made: sharing each others day. While collectively helping to clear of the table, and help the little ones with homework. Showers, prayers, and of to sleep. The day will be repeated tomorrow.
 
Reality is, for {most} it's not like that. We're running here, there, everywhere. We hate our jobs, our kids are driving us up the wall, and spouses make us second guess saying those I do's...and some are doing it alone. Your once BFF has forgotten how to use a phone or computer, the bills are piling up, and you're slowly noticing the crow’s feet, grey hair, and the snugness of your pants. Life is tough. It's real!
 
What's a person to do? Here's what I'm slowly learning. For one, ALL relationships take effort and work. If you find yourself being the one to always be chasing down the other person, hell let it go. As I said earlier, I'm learning. If you're struggling financially - chances are your priorities are of balance. Cable is a WANT not a necessity. I don't care what your favorite show is - it's a want. If you have credit cards - remember that 99% of places accept VISA and MasterCard - you don't need store cards. The rewards are not worth your financial struggle and near bankruptcy status. Call them up and negotiate a lower interest rate, stop using them, and pay them of! Once done with one, take that payment and apply it to the next card (or bill). Everyone can save at least $5 dollars a paycheck! Yes you can. Stash it away and watch it slowly grow. That little nest egg will come in handy during an emergency or a little pampering. You have to take care of yourself. You have a long life ahead of you and you want to be your very best self, don't you?
 
I'll end with this - stop claiming calamity into your life! Words are powerful and the universe is listening. If you say you're living paycheck to paycheck - honey you're going to live forever paycheck to paycheck! If you think something bad is going to happen, chances are it will.
 
Our lives and circumstances are different. But it is possible to live a healthy, fun, exciting, and adventurous life-even on a budget and definitely even with just one income. One of the things that piss me off the most is when people hear that I'm planning a trip (or just came from a trip), or when we got 'newer' cars - or most recently when Hubby got me a new ring say things like - "MUST BE NICE - IF ONLY I HAD 2 INCOMES"...Well let's be real clear here. Yes we have 2 incomes but Hubs and I have only been together for 6 years! And guess what - before I knew the name James, I traveled just as much. And I was alone with THREE kids! And to be honest I actually traveled more. I'd pick the kids up from daycare on a Friday, fill up the minivan and of we'd go. Canada, New Hampshire, Erie...wherever. The one thing I'm able to do more often now is travel outside of the U.S.A. But again, those that know me, know I don't play. I plan and I plan wayyyyy in advance. So yes I'm blessed with a man that works and we have two incomes. Though I love my job, I work because I like things - especially travel! If life were to take a naughty turn and we went down to one income - I'd just have to travel less.
 

Sunset - suburb of Rochester NY

You are here temporarily! Live life to the fullest! If you have questions or want to chat email me: accordingtomdannert@hotmail.com
 
Stay beautiful and go get a passport!

Borrowed from the web - but oh so true!