Self-Care: Why it is important

Time Out for Me

I recently had a mini-mental breakdown; I felt I was being buried alive… knowing the end was near and I could not breath and I could not yell out for help.  The walls were closing in and I felt hopeless. Defeated. Unhealthy, yet real thoughts started to make their way through my mind and as my heart rate increased, I knew the thoughts were all too real.  Over the years I have learned to recognize the signs. It was not good. I wondered if my husband and children would miss me. Would they realize I was no longer here? Realizing what was happening, I made a decision and took a break from social media and as I would be having an upcoming weekend all to myself, I was going to spend a lot of the time reading, meditating, praying and getting to the root of the problem.  Let me say this: Social media was not the problem.  I knew exactly what the problem was… The enemy was not liking the changes I was making in my life and when you’re a child of God and you commit to making changes in your life, the enemy ain’t happy. He was actually quite pissed.

In September, Dude and I decided to get our finances in order. While we make more money now than we did prior to our move, and our overall bills are the same - I felt as though we were drowning. We signed up to take the Dave Ramsey – Financial Peace University course through church and we started the path to financial freedom.  Learning about having an emergency fund, using the envelope system, getting our credit cards in order and starting the debt-snowball plan, things were looking good. We could start seeing a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel.  Then BAM – we fell victims to a scam and our account went from $750 (positive) to negative $2600!!! My heart sank. The bank, cold and blameless – emotionless and couldn’t care less. Needless to say, I no longer bank at Chase! As crazy as it may sound, one of the things I fear most in life is being ‘broke’. Growing up, I was never taught the importance of saving, 401k, emergency funds, living within your means, no credit cards, interest rates, etc… When I saw the account was negative $2600, I went to a dark place… Dude, because we talk about everything, including our past, our childhood, etc… knew this was going to be bad. Thank God Dude is who he is… we both can’t be a basket case. One of us needs to be level headed and remain sane. In this situation, it was him. Within 24 hours we were blessed and all we could do was continuously praise and thank God. The enemy did not win.

On October 1^st, one of the most inspiring, motivating and courageous woman I know, follow and admire, Melissa Nixon, started a 21-day prayer for Entrepreneurs. I joined, and I’ve been listening and participating in the prayers and I started noticing a shift inside of me. I was learning about key individuals in the bible and hearing about how God used them and about all the great things they were able to accomplish through their diligence and commitment to God. Their faith did not waver, and the blessings bestowed upon them, blessed nations upon nations. I started seeing hope and I could see my future self: blessed, encouraged, strong, speaking to women – changing lives. I could see us being able to give like no other and enjoying life; no struggle. I could see us planted and being part of a church family, something I’ve always wanted.  And then, here comes the enemy… I started doubting and comparing myself to others. I started reading the testimonies of those in the 21-day prayer group and started wondering – well where’s my testimony?  I recognized what was happening and prayed. I asked God for forgiveness and that is when I decided to take a social media break. I would go in daily, however, to be part of the prayer group. I was not giving up and once again – the enemy did not win.

You’d think he would give up, right?  Without going into details, as sharing the details are not going to change what has already happened or change the outcome, I will say the enemy tried to come after my child – the youngest one.  I’m surrounded by prayer warriors and when what happened, happened – she was immediately prayed over, and the shield of protection was around her. Some will ask – well why wasn’t she covered before??? And let me stop you right there. Believe it or not, she was covered. My children are always covered and so are we. God gave us the ability to choose and sometimes, for numerous reasons, we chose incorrectly, and we must face the consequences. It does not mean God has abandoned us – far from it. He shows up and He shows out. And again… the enemy did not win.

While nothing was taken from us, other than money when the banking situation occurred, God has been in the midst of everything and I am reminded of Job.  Job had everything… great big family, lots of kids, good health, lots of animals, friends, big house, property – he was living life, and all was great. All of the sudden, here comes the enemy and Job lost everything. He lost everything except for his faith and love towards God.  In the end, everything Job lost was returned and even greater than he had had before!

The enemy tried to mess with us by hitting me in an area where he knows I’m vulnerable in… finances.

The enemy tried to mess with me by hitting me in an area where I often doubt myself…my passion for helping women rediscover themselves and live a free and happy life.

The enemy tried to mess with us by hitting me in an area, every parent fears…their children.

Vulnerability: Scripture I am praying and living by – 2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

Doubt: Scriptures I am praying and living by – Proverbs 3:5-8 and Jeremiah 29:11

Fears: Scriptures I am praying and living by – 2 Timothy 1:7, Psalm 34:4, Philippians 4:6, Proverbs 22:6 and Proverbs 29:15

Over the past several weeks a lot more has happened, but I’ll let these three events be my testimony. The enemy has not won, and he will not over take me or my family or my finances. All I have belongs to God. I know God is doing a great thing in me and I cannot wait to share the fruits! Because as 1 John 4:4 says: “... greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world”.

While my weekend retreat had some bumps and bruises, I stayed prayerful, I fasted by giving up something, I listened to some awesome sermons recommended by a dear and close friend... Y'all, go to YouTube and look up Under Doesn't Mean Over// Planted Not Buried by Pastor Michael Todd of Transformation Church. It's a three-part series and I listened to all three parts, took notes (and I never do that)... OH MY!!! Powerful. I started my vision board for 2019. I talked to God. I had brunch with a new friend and I know we'll be friends for like ever! And she's a prayer warrior also... I also cried a lot. I watched some shows and I started reading a new book. My weekend ended by getting a massage in my living room- Jessica is amazing! 

Anyways, self-care looks different for everyone. However it may look for you, just make sure to slow down and make time for you. As women, we are always overextending ourselves and rarely say no.  We also tend to hold a lot in: our fears, doubts, frustrations, etc.  Make sure you are surrounding yourself with strong, intelligent women... surround yourself with those that will keep you in prayer (if you're a believer).  Surround yourself with those that will uplift, encourage and motivate you. 

We have to do a better job. We owe it to ourselves and we owe it to those around us... So grab your planner and pick a weekend or a 24-hour period... and Take. Care. Of. YOU!

Stay Free & Happy,

xoxo-Maryann

I am enough.

I. AM. ENOUGH.

It's a been a few months since my last post and there have been some changes. In this thing called life, change can be a scary thing; it pushes us out of our comfort zones. Change challenges us to be brave, to be authentic, to be bold; change is scary.  While change is scary, doing something that you don't want to do and living an unauthentic life is not only scarier, it's dangerous.  Dangerous because you are robbing yourself of living life according to your truths, strengths, and talents. Dangerous because you are living life wearing a mask.  Dangerous because the relationships you've formed, are not based on realism, but fantasy.  Dangerous because you are not living in your passion and creativity - but someone else's. 

Here's a brief summary of who I am.  At around age 15 I was placed in juvi - labeled a juvenile delinquent.  In and out of juvi homes, at the age of 16 I dropped out of school in the 9th grade.  I remember every detail of what occurred that morning.  A year and a half later I received my GED - while in juvi - as I vowed not to step foot into a city school again!  In terms of academics, here's how it went:

1989 - dropped out of high school

1991 - received GED

1993 - Certificate in General Office Skills obtained

2004 - Associate degree from MCC obtained

2014 - Bachelor's degree from RWC obtained

If I told you that I did not think that was good enough - would you believe me? If I told you that I still feel like a failure - would you believe me?

I started the journey towards the Master's program at RWC a few months after graduating with the Bachelor's.  I dropped after the first class.  A year later I re-enrolled and though I seemed happy about the decision and the new adventure, secretly, I was miserable.  Unlike the OM [Bachelor's major] program in which I looked forward to the assignments and seeing my group, the MSL [Master's major] program was different.  I was not excited about it. Externally, yes - I was. However, internally, from the beginning, I questioned if I was doing the right thing. Was I sure? Would this be enough? Would I be enough? Have I done enough? Will this prove that I am somebody? In spite of my past failures, would this validate me?

A while back I had a life coaching business.  One of the main points I encouraged and challenged individuals on, especially women, was to live an authentic and genuine life.  A life based on one's truths, strengths, and talents.  A life based on one's own voice - and not the voices, opinions, or views of others on how one should live one's life.  I wasn't living on the standards that I was teaching!  The conversations started with my close circle of friends and the prayers were on full force.  I knew deep down what I wanted - what I needed to do, but I was afraid.  I was afraid of letting people down. I was afraid of being seen as a failure.  I was afraid of being labeled a quitter.  I was afraid of people's views and opinions of me.  I was afraid of not being taken seriously.  I was afraid that I would not be enough.  I was afraid of letting down my husband, children, and my friends: the people that matter most to me.

And then...

While in conversations with my circle, the voices in my head were beginning to quiet down.  The truth was, that yes I would be letting them down; and I would also be letting myself down - if I continued living a lie.  If I continued living according to the views of others and not living in my passion and creativity - yes I would be letting people down. I would be letting down the people that matter most to me!

I stopped out of the Master's program - for the second and final time.  Have you ever wrestled with a decision and you were not sure if you would be making the right choice until after you made it? You know that feeling of lightness, peace, and stillness that overcomes you? I FELT IT INSTANTLY!  I knew I was not making a mistake.  I knew I was making the right decision - for ME!  

One of my friends said it best..."You only get one life".  

I've always had a passion and hunger for creativity!  I've talked about writing a book for quite some time and four chapters in, I will be refocusing my energies towards realizing this goal.  I will continue to write my book and see where life takes me.  Photography is another love of mine and I will dive into that adventure.  

I'm a life learner; whether in the classroom or whether in life - I never stop learning.  For today and for this moment I will live life to the fullest....with no regrets.

One click at a time - one keystroke at a time...

**I kindly ask that you share this piece.  Someone out there needs to hear - that she too, is enough** 

Stay fabulous and live life according to YOU!

-ME

2015 Reflections

As we set to wrap up yet another year, I want to pause and give thanks.

I want to thank my friends, my close, tight, and intimate group that keep me grounded.  Life without you would be uneventful - mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  We make each other laugh, we keep each other accountable, we keep each other motivated, and we keep each other uplifted.  We've shared tears, laughs, hugs, intimate stories, goals, frustrations, heartaches, a shoulder to cry on, a listening ear - we've shared a version of ourselves that not many are privileged too - and for that I am thankful.  

I wish you lots of love - self love and love from your dear ones.  I wish you financial wealth; whether it's $1,000 or $1 million - whatever will bring you comfort, security, and joy - may you receive it.  I wish you mental stability.  I wish you confidence - a self confidence that is not conceited; but one of grace and authenticity.  I wish you honor and respect - but remember that it starts with YOU.  Show people how to treat you and do not settle for less - EVER!. I wish you professional growth - in your current field or wherever God may lead you.  Let the past stay in the past. We're approaching a new year - a new beginning; let go.  May this new year be filled with positive experiences beyond your wildest dreams.  I'm honored to have you in my life. This up coming year, is truly going to be our best one yet!

To my family - we didn't choose each other; God had an awesome plan when He chose us to be forever connected.  We have wasted enough time with jealousy, comparing ourselves to one another, with gossip, with put downs, with letting our ego and pride get in the way.  We need to do better. We need to BE better!  God put us together for a reason.  Let's stop making excuses and let's stop letting others get in our way of being a family.  None of us are better than the other; regardless of who has a job, who drives what type of car, who is married, who is engaged, who lives where - we can do better than that!  This up coming each let's make a promise to be more in each other's lives; and not only when you need something - but all the time.  Let's connect. Let's be present.  We didn't choose each other, but God did and He did it for a reason.  Let's make sure that our kids know each other and grow up with one another.  Let's do better for our next generation.   I give thanks because although we truly haven't been there for each other, we have an opportunity to begin again.  We are all breathing - we still have a chance.  I give God thanks for my brothers, my sister, my nieces and nephews.  I give thanks to God for my cousins, aunt, and uncles. I give thanks for my grandmother. Most importantly, I give thanks to God for my Mom, Dad and my step-parents.  We have a huge family - and we have lots of places to visit. So let's connect!

My darling husband and kids - We've had a fun year. We've settled in our home. We went to Mexico, went to a few parks, celebrated a milestone birthday, celebrated other birthdays, and soon my Munchkinmellow will go off to college.  We have a lot planned for 2016 and I cannot wait.  As I work on my Master's degree, I thank you for your support, James. Without you, this journey would be a hellish one! Thank you for always supporting me. I can't wait to see what surprises 2016 will bring. My Monster will turn 14 and in a few short years, she too will be off to college. Ah - then the real fun begins ;-)  My Parker - has his own place and is making positive changes in his life.  For you, my son, my prayer is that you learn to be patient and stay focused in the current; make a plan and break it down to bite size pieces - tackling one thing at a time.  I pray for confidence and for you never to quit!  You have a drive and hunger for success - keep it up. Don't ever - ever give up! Believe in yourself, like I believe in you.  2016 - we're ready for you!

And I'll close with this: Maryann, I thank you for being you.  Always pushing the limits and never doubting your abilities.  Continue pushing forward and never let go of your sense of wonder. The world is yours to conquer!

The Best is Yet to Come

It has been a while!   

Summer is officially over as school has started.  For many, including me, the first day of school signifies cool mornings, chilly nights, crock pots, paperwork overload, homework, early bedtime, early rising, shorter days, longer nights, football, foliage, pumpkin spice flavoring, and swapping out your short sleeves for long ones.

A lot has been happening since the last time I wrote and I continue to say that I will write more frequently, but as we all know – life happens!

My daughter came up to visit and the entire family spent 7 wonderful days in Myrtle Beach, SC.  Let me say that although they were 7 wonderful days, I realized a few things while on vacation.  Being in a room with 2 teenagers and your hubby – 24/7 does something to the psyche!  

1.       If the commute is over 7 hours, we are flying

2.       If we are traveling for 4 days or longer, we are getting all inclusive

3.       If we are traveling with the kid(s), we are getting adjoining rooms or a 2 bedroom suite

Love them all, but I need my space (and) sanity.

Learning never stops and that is a good thing.  I have heard the saying before, but recently it has stuck and I look forward to learning.  So, I applied to 2 graduate schools and thank the Mighty Lord above, I was accepted into both!  I decided to return to where I received my undergraduate from Roberts Wesleyan College. The school, staff, and faculty are all great and the decision was relatively easy.

By now the entire nation knows of the passing of Joan Rivers.  Closer to home, the community of Rochester, NY lost three individuals (sadly by the publishing of this blog, there may have been more).  One was due to the continued violence and disregard for human life.  The other, husband and wife – on their way to vacation.  I bring these deaths up because, life is short!  We know that we will all die - sooner or later…but when someone dies, it hits us.  Whether we ‘know them’ from their comedy routines or their talk shows, or we have personally shaken their hands, death sucks.  It does not matter if the person is old and ill or if the death was unexpected. It hits us hard and for a moment, we all stop to reflect and ponder about life.

We make vows to quit smoking, quit cursing, go to church, stop drinking, go to bed early, live life to the fullest, exercise, make amends and complete the items on your “honey-do list”.  But all those ‘good deeds’ last for only a moment – just like New Year’s resolutions.

I am one to make goals and plan ahead.  Always am, and always will – that’s just my nature.  But I also have embraced the fact of living in the moment.  We just don’t know when our life will end – life is short and very unpredictable.  Yes, it is good to make goals – after all, remember we just don’t know when our turn meet Jesus at the Pearly Gates will come – so you can’t live life on a whim.  We must live on purpose.  So while we need to make goals and work towards achieving those goals, we must continue to live in the moment.  So what does living in the moment look like? Well, here’s how I see it:

1.       Read a book for fun

2.       Subscribe to your favorite magazine

3.       Enjoy a fresh cup of coffee

4.       Take a bubble bath…

5.       Or a nice long hot shower

6.       If you loathe your job, start looking for a new one today

7.       But first update your resume and have it looked over by a professional

8.       Have dessert first

9.       Have breakfast for dinner

10.   If you want a drink – well by golly have the drink – just not the entire bottle!

11.   If you’ve always wanted to travel, pick a place, Google it, and call a travel agent – I recommend Patty, she’s wonderful – and just go!

12.   If you’ve been tempted to try a new hairdo/color, go for it! It’s only hair, it will grow back

The list can go on and on – you get the point I hope.  On a more serious note, I will end with this…if you have children or property of any type, you should have a will!  In addition to having a will, you should have medical proxy and details of what YOU want done in the event that……….

The roses are still out, so stop and smell them. Better yet, stop at a florist shop and buy yourself a few.  Go buy a nice pumpkin spice latte, put on a scarf and walk the neighborhood. Go live in the moment.

Until next time,

Me 

Beautiful sunset in Myrtle Beach

Myrtle Beach

Let the count down begin

November 2013 - I'll be turning 40! Who would of thunk it!?

The thought of turning 40 years old, to me is an accomplishment; it serves as a motivator that more is yet to come. Unlike many, especially women, I don't dread or shy away from getting older - after all, it is a part of life. I believe people don't like getting older because they have some deep down regrets as to how they are living ~ or not living for that matter.  We only have one life; and it is our responsibility to live it to the fullest with no regrets.  As long as you are still breathing - you must continue on the path to greatness!

I have decided that every month, starting with January 2013 - I will be celebrating my birthday - doing something I've always wanted to do - crossing things of my 'life list'.  From spontaneous trips, to wine making, to spending a day at the spa with my husband, to spending a whole day in bed watching chick flicks and eating popcorn!  When the big day arrives; November 15, 2013 to be exact, I want to be surrounded by my closest friends and family celebrating, drinking, laughing and creating memories.

That's what life is all about! I'm looking forward to the next 40 years of my life.