All alone... well, it feels like it!

I see why I have not made it as a full-time blogger! My last post was over two years ago. EEEK!  So much has happened and I guess the place to begin is where I left off.

First and foremost, guess what y'all - I'm a published author!!! YES I AM. Here's the back story and a quick synopsis. 

Summer of 2016, we went on our very first cruise. My hubby and I, along with my two daughters got in the car and drove...yes drove 24 hours from Rochester, NY to Miami, FL! Thinking back, that trip was an eye opener and if I would stick to something, it could have opened many doors. While I don't call exactly when it happened, I remember my coach, Cheryl Holland, posted on Facebook about looking for women who wanted to collaborate and write a chapter in her upcoming book on overcoming unhealthy and toxic romantic relationships. As I had several relationships to pick from, I reached out to Cheryl and we had our phone interview as I drove to Miami, FL.  A short few months later - I became a published author... not just a published author but an Amazon #1 Bestselling Author! The book is called W.O.M.B. Sister Chronicles - Volume 1. W.O.M.B. stands for Women Overcoming Men Blues. We are 15 brave, courageous and vulnerable women who share intimate details on how we dealt with an unhealthy/toxic relationship and how we found the courage and strength to leave the relationship.  I encourage you to buy a copy! Here's the link - be sure you choose VOLUME 1 to read my story: www.wombsisters.com/products/?wpam_id=4 Again, be sure you choose Volume 1 (book 1).

So the book is done and we have a book launch November 2016... and that was that... sort of...  

Earlier in 2016, I created and started a life coaching business: MRD Empowerment Solutions. My vision was to inspire and empower women who were stuck, to live a free and happy life by discovering their own and unique voice. It's funny how everyone comes to you for advice and to talk - yet, when you need them the most - they are not there. As with anything we tend to venture towards, we look for support from our friends and family. Needless, to say, I became one of those stuck women I was so eager to help! I slowly backed off and shut everything down. Like a snail, I went back into my shell - my safe place.  

As I write this now [June 28, 2018], I realize that my number one reason for leaving Rochester, wasn't necessarily because of my daughter (middle one)... it was because I needed an escape. I was not happy. Nothing was working in Rochester and I felt "blah". I was working a job that I did not like.  My girls only get togethers, while many looked forward to it and often well attended, it wasn't what I truly envisioned. My children... one was grown with a child of his own and on his own and my middle one - she was also almost gone and my youngest, while 14, she was focused on her wants/needs... friends, school, social media, social life, shopping... you know, typical teenage stuff.  One of my three best friends was leaving the country and my other two BFF's were busier than ever - although we always made time for one another. I know Dude tried to do the best he could: That's the thing though, we have to figure things out for ourselves. Yes, having the support is important, but ultimately, we must do the work.

So here it was sometime in January, and my daughters and I were having a conversation about leaving Rochester and move to Florida as my middle child would be stationed in Pensacola, FL and her wife (then fiance) wanted to be closer to her... we made the decision to leave Rochester. After getting Dude on-board, I spoke to one of my long-time friends in FL about it and she suggested I stay with her until I found a job and could then find my own place. So that's what we did. I updated my resume, posted it on various online job boards, gave notice at my job, started packing and February 16, 2017, Dude and I made the journey to Sanford, FL - arriving February 17, 2017. He flew back to Rochester two days later.  We made the transition slowly: first me, then DIL, then kid, then Dude - who finally joined us November 2017.

If I could turn back time - I would. I would of stayed in Rochester, NY. As much as I dislike the snow, slush, cold, ice storms, blizzards, dreariness... nothing beats feeling like I'm lost.  And that's how I feel presently. I feel lost.  I'm in a state where I know several people - who live in different parts of the state, from a few hours to a few minutes.  And while I have met some nice folks, and I can see myself remaining friends with them for years to come... it is not the same.  The rut that I was escaping from in Rochester, followed me here.  I don't foresee myself ever moving back to Rochester. However, I remain open to whatever God sees fit for myself.  Especially since I never envisioned myself living in Florida!  Dude and I talked about leaving Rochester eventually, and FL was NEVER in the plan - ever!  We talked about the Carolina's, Virginia, Arizona, Maryland and maybe even Texas - but never FL. It just never appealed to me/us. YET - here we are.

So what happens next? Good question... 

I recently told Dude that I hate the fact that he truly loves his job! Why do I hate the fact that HE loves his job??? Because he left a job of 23 years in Rochester to follow my foolish desires and I cannot do that to him... I cannot rip him away [again] from something he enjoys because I cannot STICK TO SOMETHING!!!

URGH.

For now, I'll have to live with the decision I made. There is more to come - I know God has some awesome plans for me and I'm ready. There's a reason why the last line in the above paragraph is bolded, underlined and italicized. More on that in the next post.  Don't worry - it won't be two years from now.

Hugs and kisses,
MD

Trust

New day. New lesson. 

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, trust is "belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc"

What is a person to do when that trust is broken...and to make matters worse, you don't know the identity of said person?

The old me would curl up into the fetal position and isolate from society. I would shut down and become overly cautious with everyone around me. I've realized that is no way to live!

I'm the type that tends to over share; I over share with those that I believe I can trust and that have the best interest at heart for me.  I go into details about my goals, dreams, aspirations, heartaches, what keeps me up at night, job issues, marital conflicts, family concerns, etc. I talk about my life list, disappointments, fun times, and everything else in between.

Is that wise?

That is today's million dollar question!  Something was brought to my attention about something that someone did. And in all honesty, part of me wants to curl up into the safe fetal position and isolate myself.

Thankfully the sun is shining and I will not fall into old habits.  So this is what I will do...

1. Pray for inner peace
2. Pray for the identity of said individual to be revealed
3. Pray for clarity
4. Continue to trust - with caution
5. Stop over sharing 
6. Continue to smile
7. Hold on tight to the words in Luke 8:17

Happenings of 2015

Hi Fabulous Loves,

As I write this update, we have two days until Christmas and in eight days we will be celebrating and ringing in a new year.  A lot has happened in 2015 and I'm grateful for every adventure.  Even though I'm grateful for the many wonderful things that took place in 2015, I'm ready for a fresh and new start.  This upcoming year will be a year filled with lots of love, blessings, spontaneous moments, wealth, great health, a closer relationship with God, passion, and fulfilled goals.  I'm so excited that my list of 400 things to do in my life continues to both shrink and grow.  It's growing because currently the list is at 123 items and I continue to add to it.  It's shrinking because I've crossed off about 6-10 things on the list. It's exciting every time I reach for my yellow highlighter and highlight something I've accomplished.

As I reflect, I think back to January when I was feeling a little disillusioned.  Unemployed and growing frustrated, I was looking forward to my DR trip in February.  The thought of having the sun bathe my skin from head to toe, while sitting at the pool drinking fruity drinks, as I got lost in my book reading, excited and energized me.  I would spend a few days away from reality.  I love my girl's only trips.  February came around and off we went.  It was such a beautiful time.  I enjoyed my getaway.  It was refreshing and I came back to a job!  The week before going on my trip I interviewed with a company and although I wasn't crazy about it, it was a job - and the bills were steadily coming in.  Bills stop for no one!  On the day that we were leaving, I received an email offering me the job, which I quickly accepted.  While the ladies that I was with talked about enjoying the their day off when they arrived home, I was thinking about what to wear to on my first day of work!   That was 10 months ago!  It's been interesting, but I'm here.

Here I am in Punta Cana, DR.

The next few months were spent getting the house organized, as it had been a several months since we'd moved in.  My middle daughter had also made the decision that she wanted to finish her senior year up here; so we were - or perhaps I was - mentally preparing for the transition.  June rolled around and the end of the school year was here. I drove with my little one to pick up the middle child. The transition hasn't been too difficult; although a bit challenging but that was to be expected.

In August, hubby and I celebrated 7 years of marital bliss.  Time has certainly flown by. SEVEN YEARS!!!  But I've been truly blessed and I couldn't imagine life without Mr. D. Just the other day I was partaking in a conversation where one person made a comment along the lines of "when we argue, we throw things, we're yelling at each other, we're telling each other to get out..." and I just stood there like wow. The individual says - "why do you look surprised?" I responded, and I think she believes I was lying...."In the seven years that Mr. D and I have been together, we have never raised our voices nor our hands; and we have definitely never uttered the words get out or cursed at each other".  I don't see a point in doing so.  When you treat someone that way, you are not only disrespecting that person, you're disrespecting yourself.  If you get to a point that you can't stand someone, leave.  YES - it is that simple. I don't care how many years you have invested or what material things you've accumulated.  No one deserves to be disrespected and mistreated and material things can be bought again.  Believe me - I've left and started over twice.  I don't plan on ever having to do that again, but if I had to - I wouldn't second guess myself.  The first time I was married. I packed what I could and left in my car.  It wasn't a healthy environment and it was time I left.  Sadly, I didn't take the time to fix ME and ended up in a similar situation later on and after two and a half years, I left that relationship also. My only regret was not leaving sooner.

Anyways - my relationships will be further discussed in my book - coming in 2016! I'm putting it out there - I've been working on this book for quite some time and I am committed to finishing it in 2016! Stay tuned :-) 

This year, for our family vacation we spent a week in Mexico.  It was so much fun!!!  We went in August and let me tell you - IT. WAS. HOT.  I love the heat, as you all know, but oh my that was brutal.

Here we are in Cancun, Mexico...

It was the girl's first time in Mexico and Mr. D's first time in Cancun. We all enjoyed it and will definitely be going back in the near future: Just not in August!!!

After I graduated and received my bachelor's degree last year, I enrolled in the master's program. Unfortunately, I lost my job shortly after and I just wasn't in a good place mentally or emotionally to focus on graduate school work - so I withdrew.  I knew that I would eventually return, but I wasn't sure 'when'.  During our time in Mexico, we spent some time thinking of our future in terms of goals and things that we want to accomplish; both short and long term plans.  I mentioned wanting to return to school and get the master's degree.  After much prayer and talking it out with my inner circle, I contacted RWC and informed them that I wanted to return. I was ready.

My official acceptance!  Lord willing, I will walk the stage at RWC once again in May of 2017!  I'm three modules in....nine more to go and I can't wait. I'm excited.

The busiest time in our lives happens during the final months of the year.  This year, my darling, turned 50!  I am so happy that he is just like me in terms of age - it is just a number. So whether we are 40, 50, or 60 - we don't lie nor are we ashamed about our age! As Mr. D says - he is like wine - he gets better with age. And oh yes he does!!!

One thing about him however, is that he does not like to make a big fuss about things. I on the other hand, I make a big deal about everything!!!  So off course I was planning a surprise gathering for him and he - as I suspected, loved every minute of it. Here's a few pics....

I kept it very small and very intimate. We were surrounded by close friends that mean everything to us; and it was perfect.  I booked a suite at the Woodcliff Lodge & Spa and gave the room key to one of my girl's, who went in early and set-up and let every one in... we arrived at the set time and surprised him.  Everyone was gone by 10pm and we enjoyed some much needed R&R.  I love that man to the moon and back :-)

As December rolled around, it was time for more celebrations.  My first born turned 23 on December 19th; my middle one will be 18 on the 27th and my baby turns 14 on January 6th!!!

We are looking forward to all the wonderfulness that 2016 has in-store for us.  Vacations, college, promotions, better health - goals accomplished!  Oh I almost forgot to mention - a huge item being checked off my bucket list is me learning to swim!!!  I tried lessons in the past and I stopped after session 2. The young lady was just an awful instructor. I'm sorry - but she was!!!  The interesting thing about life is, if you truly and really want and desire something, the fire will keep burning inside of you and it will not die down UNTIL you go for what you want.  So I followed the recommendation of one of my girl's and called the Y. We chatted and I signed up! Move over Michael Phelps - cause here I come. Okay, not really - but hey I'll be backstroking and butterflying in no time.

Here I am - getting ready to head to the Y. Two lessons down - nine to go.

A few notable moments of 2015:
1. Paid of some debt
2. My Munchkinmellow made honor roll
3. My Monster got a 101 on one of her exams
4. Had a surprise party for one of my BFF's
5. Enjoyed the company of numerous married couples during a "couples only game night" at a friends house - that was so much fun!
6. Celebrated the huge accomplishment of my other BFF as she received her Master's
7. And my darling Mr. D, blessed me with a new camera.... some may remember that I did photography a few years back. The frustration was getting to me and I sold everything (behind Mr. D's back)! Thankfully he didn't blow a gasket and he simply asked why. I told him and he reassured me that when I was ready, he'd bless me with a camera.  So be on the look out as I'll be back. :-)

As we say goodbye to 2015, it has been a great year. We've accomplished a lot.  We know that 2016 will be so much better and our blessings will be quadrupled!

We hope to share with you - and not just via social media - but in real life. That's where its at!

Let's Chat

My prayer is that as you read this, you are healthy and truly blessed!

During the recent social craze of "I'm so (wherever you grew up at)", a friend of mine quoted a saying that got me thinking. The quote 'it's not where you're from but where you're at' spoke volumes to me. Not in relation to the social craze - but life in general.
 
To some people I'm stuck-up, snooty, rude, hell I've even been called an Uncle Sam. The last one actually still causes me to chuckle! I've been admired for my strength, courage, resilience, and toughness. I consider myself a realist! Life can sometimes make you feel as though an 18-wheeler has permanently taken residence on your heart. You're broken: mentally, financially, emotionally, socially...and even spiritually. If you're human - life is tough. Everyone goes through things: divorce, abuse, bankruptcy, friendships ends {this one is the hardest for me to handle - keeping it real with you}. Everyone has lost a job; by choice or not. Life is an interesting journey.
  Growing up, you hoped to graduate school, go to college, land that fabulous gig, get married, have 2 or 3 perfect children, and live happily ever after. Sitting down each and every evening - as one unit -nourishing your bodies with the freshly cooked meal that mom has made: sharing each others day. While collectively helping to clear of the table, and help the little ones with homework. Showers, prayers, and of to sleep. The day will be repeated tomorrow.
 
Reality is, for {most} it's not like that. We're running here, there, everywhere. We hate our jobs, our kids are driving us up the wall, and spouses make us second guess saying those I do's...and some are doing it alone. Your once BFF has forgotten how to use a phone or computer, the bills are piling up, and you're slowly noticing the crow’s feet, grey hair, and the snugness of your pants. Life is tough. It's real!
 
What's a person to do? Here's what I'm slowly learning. For one, ALL relationships take effort and work. If you find yourself being the one to always be chasing down the other person, hell let it go. As I said earlier, I'm learning. If you're struggling financially - chances are your priorities are of balance. Cable is a WANT not a necessity. I don't care what your favorite show is - it's a want. If you have credit cards - remember that 99% of places accept VISA and MasterCard - you don't need store cards. The rewards are not worth your financial struggle and near bankruptcy status. Call them up and negotiate a lower interest rate, stop using them, and pay them of! Once done with one, take that payment and apply it to the next card (or bill). Everyone can save at least $5 dollars a paycheck! Yes you can. Stash it away and watch it slowly grow. That little nest egg will come in handy during an emergency or a little pampering. You have to take care of yourself. You have a long life ahead of you and you want to be your very best self, don't you?
 
I'll end with this - stop claiming calamity into your life! Words are powerful and the universe is listening. If you say you're living paycheck to paycheck - honey you're going to live forever paycheck to paycheck! If you think something bad is going to happen, chances are it will.
 
Our lives and circumstances are different. But it is possible to live a healthy, fun, exciting, and adventurous life-even on a budget and definitely even with just one income. One of the things that piss me off the most is when people hear that I'm planning a trip (or just came from a trip), or when we got 'newer' cars - or most recently when Hubby got me a new ring say things like - "MUST BE NICE - IF ONLY I HAD 2 INCOMES"...Well let's be real clear here. Yes we have 2 incomes but Hubs and I have only been together for 6 years! And guess what - before I knew the name James, I traveled just as much. And I was alone with THREE kids! And to be honest I actually traveled more. I'd pick the kids up from daycare on a Friday, fill up the minivan and of we'd go. Canada, New Hampshire, Erie...wherever. The one thing I'm able to do more often now is travel outside of the U.S.A. But again, those that know me, know I don't play. I plan and I plan wayyyyy in advance. So yes I'm blessed with a man that works and we have two incomes. Though I love my job, I work because I like things - especially travel! If life were to take a naughty turn and we went down to one income - I'd just have to travel less.
 

Sunset - suburb of Rochester NY

You are here temporarily! Live life to the fullest! If you have questions or want to chat email me: accordingtomdannert@hotmail.com
 
Stay beautiful and go get a passport!

Borrowed from the web - but oh so true!