Time Out for Me
I recently had a mini-mental breakdown; I felt I was being buried
alive… knowing the end was near and I could not breath and I could not yell out
for help. The walls were closing in and
I felt hopeless. Defeated. Unhealthy, yet real thoughts started to make their
way through my mind and as my heart rate increased, I knew the thoughts were
all too real. Over the years I have
learned to recognize the signs. It was not good. I wondered if my husband and children
would miss me. Would they realize I was no longer here? Realizing what was
happening, I made a decision and took a break from social media and as I would be having an upcoming weekend all to myself, I was going to spend a lot of the time reading, meditating, praying and getting to the root of the problem. Let me say
this: Social media was not the problem.
I knew exactly what the problem was… The enemy was not liking the
changes I was making in my life and when you’re a child of God and you commit
to making changes in your life, the enemy ain’t happy. He was actually quite
pissed.
In September, Dude and I decided to get our finances in
order. While we make more money now than we did prior to our move, and our overall bills
are the same - I felt as though we were drowning. We signed up to take the Dave Ramsey –
Financial Peace University course through church and we started the path to
financial freedom. Learning about having
an emergency fund, using the envelope system, getting our credit cards in order
and starting the debt-snowball plan, things were looking good. We could start
seeing a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. Then BAM – we fell victims to a scam and our
account went from $750 (positive) to negative $2600!!! My heart sank. The bank,
cold and blameless – emotionless and couldn’t care less. Needless to say, I no
longer bank at Chase! As crazy as it may sound, one of the things I fear most
in life is being ‘broke’. Growing up, I was never taught the importance of
saving, 401k, emergency funds, living within your means, no credit cards, interest
rates, etc… When I saw the account was negative $2600, I went to a dark place…
Dude, because we talk about everything, including our past, our childhood, etc…
knew this was going to be bad. Thank God Dude is who he is… we both can’t be a
basket case. One of us needs to be level headed and remain sane. In this
situation, it was him. Within 24 hours we were blessed and all we could do was continuously
praise and thank God. The enemy did not win.
On October 1st, one of the most inspiring, motivating
and courageous woman I know, follow and admire, Melissa Nixon, started a 21-day prayer for Entrepreneurs.
I joined, and I’ve been listening and participating in the prayers and I
started noticing a shift inside of me. I was learning about key individuals in
the bible and hearing about how God used them and about all the great things
they were able to accomplish through their diligence and commitment to God.
Their faith did not waver, and the blessings bestowed upon them, blessed
nations upon nations. I started seeing hope and I could see my future self:
blessed, encouraged, strong, speaking to women – changing lives. I could see us
being able to give like no other and enjoying life; no struggle. I could see us
planted and being part of a church family, something I’ve always wanted. And then, here comes the enemy… I started
doubting and comparing myself to others. I started reading the testimonies of
those in the 21-day prayer group and started wondering – well where’s my
testimony? I recognized what was
happening and prayed. I asked God for forgiveness and that is when I decided to
take a social media break. I would go in daily, however, to be part of the
prayer group. I was not giving up and once again – the enemy did not win.
You’d think he would give up, right? Without going into details, as sharing the
details are not going to change what has already happened or change the
outcome, I will say the enemy tried to come after my child – the youngest
one. I’m surrounded by prayer warriors
and when what happened, happened – she was immediately prayed over, and the shield
of protection was around her. Some will ask – well why wasn’t she covered
before??? And let me stop you right there. Believe it or not, she was covered.
My children are always covered and so are we. God gave us the ability to choose
and sometimes, for numerous reasons, we chose incorrectly, and we must face the
consequences. It does not mean God has abandoned us – far from it. He shows up
and He shows out. And again… the enemy did not win.
While nothing was taken
from us, other than money when the banking situation occurred, God has been in
the midst of everything and I am reminded of Job. Job had everything… great big family, lots of
kids, good health, lots of animals, friends, big house, property – he was living life, and all was great. All
of the sudden, here comes the enemy and Job lost everything. He lost everything
except for his faith and love towards God. In the end, everything Job lost was returned
and even greater than he had had before!
The enemy tried to mess with us by hitting me in an area
where he knows I’m vulnerable in… finances.
The enemy tried to mess with me by hitting me in an area
where I often doubt myself…my passion for helping women rediscover themselves and live a free and happy life.
The enemy tried to mess with us by hitting me in an area,
every parent fears…their children.
Vulnerability: Scripture I am praying and living by – 2 Corinthians
12: 9-10
Doubt: Scriptures I am praying and living by – Proverbs 3:5-8
and Jeremiah 29:11
Fears: Scriptures I am praying and living by – 2 Timothy
1:7, Psalm 34:4, Philippians 4:6, Proverbs 22:6 and Proverbs 29:15
Over the past several weeks a lot more has happened, but I’ll
let these three events be my testimony. The enemy has not won, and he will not
over take me or my family or my finances. All I have belongs to God. I know God
is doing a great thing in me and I cannot wait to share the fruits! Because as
1 John 4:4 says: “... greater is He that is in you, than he that is in the world”.
While my weekend retreat had some bumps and bruises, I stayed prayerful, I fasted by giving up something, I listened to some awesome sermons recommended by a dear and close friend... Y'all, go to YouTube and look up Under Doesn't Mean Over// Planted Not Buried by Pastor Michael Todd of Transformation Church. It's a three-part series and I listened to all three parts, took notes (and I never do that)... OH MY!!! Powerful. I started my vision board for 2019. I talked to God. I had brunch with a new friend and I know we'll be friends for like ever! And she's a prayer warrior also... I also cried a lot. I watched some shows and I started reading a new book. My weekend ended by getting a massage in my living room- Jessica is amazing!
Anyways, self-care looks different for everyone. However it may look for you, just make sure to slow down and make time for you. As women, we are always overextending ourselves and rarely say no. We also tend to hold a lot in: our fears, doubts, frustrations, etc. Make sure you are surrounding yourself with strong, intelligent women... surround yourself with those that will keep you in prayer (if you're a believer). Surround yourself with those that will uplift, encourage and motivate you.
We have to do a better job. We owe it to ourselves and we owe it to those around us... So grab your planner and pick a weekend or a 24-hour period... and Take. Care. Of. YOU!
Stay Free & Happy,
xoxo-Maryann
