Great at starting, suck at committing!

Great at starting, suck at committing!

I recently put myself out there and asked some individuals for feedback.  The feedback was on what they perceived to be a weakness of mine and provide a strength, also.  The idea came from the book The Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod.  If you have not heard of Hal, his story, or the book - click the link to be directed to YouTube and hear one of his speeches!  **Do this after your finish reading this post** At first, I was a little apprehensive – I mean who really asks for feedback on a weakness?  Not many are willing to put themselves in such a vulnerable situation. Yet, I continued reading Hal’s words and what I learned was this: You’re asking feedback on how people PERCEIVE you. There may or may not be any validity to the words; it’s how the individual(s) perceive you, your behavior.  In other words, what are you putting out to the universe and how is the universe receiving it.  I started thinking on who to ask for feedback and as names started popping up in my mind, I started thinking of who would be totally honest and not sugar coat their opinions.  I went with the latter. 

I wrote the email and sent it out – BCC - obviously. The emails slowly started trickling in and as I started to read the words, I had to stop both reading and my mental judgement.  Like seriously “this is not me”, “where is this coming from”, “they don’t know me at all”.  I put the emails aside and sat in silence…thinking.  Hal’s words came back to life that these are their views on what I’m putting out to the universe.  So, I went back and kept reading and re-reading.  I noticed a pattern: Strength – determined, not afraid to step out and try new things… Weakness – does not fully commit to new ventures, puts one foot out but keeps the other inside not fully committing and giving it your all, easily gets bored. Hmmmm… as I read the variations of the same thing – I thought to myself; is this true?  Do I jump to new opportunities but don’t commit?  Do I easily get bored?  The answer, after much reflecting: YES. It's true.  100% - that's me for sure.

I went back to the very first venture I ever tried: Discovery Toys! This goes back to the early 90's.  I honestly don't remember the ins and outs other than it was toys that were to be engaging and foster learning for the young minds.  Then there’s AVON, Mary Kay, Steeped Tea, Herbalife, Origami Owl, Coaching Business and the Photography Business…Also, writing my book!

I was somewhat surprised at the amount of things that popped up that I had started and did not finish or gave up on.   And in regards to my boredom - I do get bored easily and when I get bored - I move on... be it a job or even more seriously: relationships.  I'll dive into the latter on another post.  Was there anything I had started that I had finished? And the only two examples that came to mind where: completing my Associate's and Bachelor's degrees.   

So off course, going back to the feedback from the emails and to the readings from the book, I started to think about WHY.  Why had I started so many things and why had I not followed through?  What was it about my degrees that was so important (apparently), that made me complete them?  I'll be honest - not an easy question to answer.

Here's what I've discovered: While I enjoy the finer things in life - traveling, the beach, staying home (versus working for the man - as they say), wine, shopping, safe and comfortable place to live... I am not motivated by money.  Four out of the nine things above, were NOT driven by money.  Let me explain in detail: 

Mary Kay - I've been using MK products for 20 years!!!  I'm not trying anything else and I'm not stopping.  I figured, why not become a consultant and get my items at a discount and earn some extra cash.  Well, that motivation was not enough because I'm the worse consultant ever!  I rarely advertise, I don't follow-up with people, I don't try to grow my team... I just don't.  However, I will call my Director and order through her (for myself) in a heartbeat.  If I want something, I'm going to get it - money isn't a problem.  So while, yes, I could be getting my products at 50% discount (yup, you read that right - 50%!!!), I much rather pay full price because it's easier for me and the benefits, don't motivate me.   You know what did motivate me when it came to MK? Was the relationship building and meeting new people.  Will I get back to it - I am still an active consultant, after all.  Maybe. But before I do... my "why" needs to be clear.

Now, the three things that do matter are: Coaching business, Photography business AND my book! I love talking and helping people. Particularly women.  I enjoy sitting down and discussing goals, dreams, and coming up with a plan to achieve those dreams.  I enjoy following up with individuals, and I definitely love and enjoy seeing the growth - from mental to physical to financial.  It's a true blessing being a part of the process.  I do miss that.  

Photography business:  I'll be honest... I miss taking pictures.  But I do not miss the demands or expectations of people.  Photography for me was never about the money! Never.  And that's when I lost my interest in it... when I combined my passion with money.   See, photography for me was an escape.  It helped release my stress levels - like for real!  I could easily make $3000 in one day (wedding) - but the stress - was not worth it to me.  And I also, because again photography for me was an escape NOT a business, I was not clear on my "why" and I found myself doing everything in photography: maternity, engagement, wedding, special events, families, landscape, newborns... URGH - it was too much.  So what did I do?  Unbeknownst to my husband, I sold my equipment and stopped taking pictures.  He noticed a few weeks later, when he asked why I wasn't out shooting.  I told him and thank God he wasn't upset.  He understood.  The following Christmas, to my surprise he bought me a new camera - which I still have.  I may get back into photography - but before I do - I'll need to be clear on my "why".

In regards to my book: While I am about 80% finished, there are some things that I'm still holding on to.  There are some things about me, my life - that only a few people know about... and honestly, I am allowing fear of judgement hold me back.  Believe me when I tell you, that I know my story will change lives. I know my story will inspire and motivate many.  And I also know, that people will judge what they don't understand... but that does not change how I feel and my feelings are valid.  I'm a work in progress and I continue to pray to God to guide and help me with this.

Now, the two things that I have managed to start AND finish: my degrees.  This was easy to figure out.  I was a high school drop-out and I wanted to prove something to my children.  I wanted to show them that although mistakes have been made, things can turn around - and you can do whatever you set your mind too... if it's important.  My why: To be the role model my children needed in their lives. They don't need to look at anyone else for inspiration or motivation - I'm their role model.  I also wanted to remind myself that I was not a failure.  I made the mistake of dropping out of school, but that decision would not define me.  Those reasons were enough for me to dig deep inside and succeed.  

So, what is my why?  What will motivate me to put both feet down on the other side?  What will motivate me to move forward and not look back?  What will move me from my current situation (stuck-ish) to maximum success?  What is it that I truly want out of life?

Stay tune...because this I can promise you.... I'm not starting anything that I'm not ready to finish!  I'm not picking up anything that I've started, that I'm not ready to finish. 

I'm all about living free and happy and it's MY TIME.

xoxo-

Maryann

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I am enough.

I. AM. ENOUGH.

It's a been a few months since my last post and there have been some changes. In this thing called life, change can be a scary thing; it pushes us out of our comfort zones. Change challenges us to be brave, to be authentic, to be bold; change is scary.  While change is scary, doing something that you don't want to do and living an unauthentic life is not only scarier, it's dangerous.  Dangerous because you are robbing yourself of living life according to your truths, strengths, and talents. Dangerous because you are living life wearing a mask.  Dangerous because the relationships you've formed, are not based on realism, but fantasy.  Dangerous because you are not living in your passion and creativity - but someone else's. 

Here's a brief summary of who I am.  At around age 15 I was placed in juvi - labeled a juvenile delinquent.  In and out of juvi homes, at the age of 16 I dropped out of school in the 9th grade.  I remember every detail of what occurred that morning.  A year and a half later I received my GED - while in juvi - as I vowed not to step foot into a city school again!  In terms of academics, here's how it went:

1989 - dropped out of high school

1991 - received GED

1993 - Certificate in General Office Skills obtained

2004 - Associate degree from MCC obtained

2014 - Bachelor's degree from RWC obtained

If I told you that I did not think that was good enough - would you believe me? If I told you that I still feel like a failure - would you believe me?

I started the journey towards the Master's program at RWC a few months after graduating with the Bachelor's.  I dropped after the first class.  A year later I re-enrolled and though I seemed happy about the decision and the new adventure, secretly, I was miserable.  Unlike the OM [Bachelor's major] program in which I looked forward to the assignments and seeing my group, the MSL [Master's major] program was different.  I was not excited about it. Externally, yes - I was. However, internally, from the beginning, I questioned if I was doing the right thing. Was I sure? Would this be enough? Would I be enough? Have I done enough? Will this prove that I am somebody? In spite of my past failures, would this validate me?

A while back I had a life coaching business.  One of the main points I encouraged and challenged individuals on, especially women, was to live an authentic and genuine life.  A life based on one's truths, strengths, and talents.  A life based on one's own voice - and not the voices, opinions, or views of others on how one should live one's life.  I wasn't living on the standards that I was teaching!  The conversations started with my close circle of friends and the prayers were on full force.  I knew deep down what I wanted - what I needed to do, but I was afraid.  I was afraid of letting people down. I was afraid of being seen as a failure.  I was afraid of being labeled a quitter.  I was afraid of people's views and opinions of me.  I was afraid of not being taken seriously.  I was afraid that I would not be enough.  I was afraid of letting down my husband, children, and my friends: the people that matter most to me.

And then...

While in conversations with my circle, the voices in my head were beginning to quiet down.  The truth was, that yes I would be letting them down; and I would also be letting myself down - if I continued living a lie.  If I continued living according to the views of others and not living in my passion and creativity - yes I would be letting people down. I would be letting down the people that matter most to me!

I stopped out of the Master's program - for the second and final time.  Have you ever wrestled with a decision and you were not sure if you would be making the right choice until after you made it? You know that feeling of lightness, peace, and stillness that overcomes you? I FELT IT INSTANTLY!  I knew I was not making a mistake.  I knew I was making the right decision - for ME!  

One of my friends said it best..."You only get one life".  

I've always had a passion and hunger for creativity!  I've talked about writing a book for quite some time and four chapters in, I will be refocusing my energies towards realizing this goal.  I will continue to write my book and see where life takes me.  Photography is another love of mine and I will dive into that adventure.  

I'm a life learner; whether in the classroom or whether in life - I never stop learning.  For today and for this moment I will live life to the fullest....with no regrets.

One click at a time - one keystroke at a time...

**I kindly ask that you share this piece.  Someone out there needs to hear - that she too, is enough** 

Stay fabulous and live life according to YOU!

-ME