Great at starting, suck at committing!

Great at starting, suck at committing!

I recently put myself out there and asked some individuals for feedback.  The feedback was on what they perceived to be a weakness of mine and provide a strength, also.  The idea came from the book The Miracle Morning, by Hal Elrod.  If you have not heard of Hal, his story, or the book - click the link to be directed to YouTube and hear one of his speeches!  **Do this after your finish reading this post** At first, I was a little apprehensive – I mean who really asks for feedback on a weakness?  Not many are willing to put themselves in such a vulnerable situation. Yet, I continued reading Hal’s words and what I learned was this: You’re asking feedback on how people PERCEIVE you. There may or may not be any validity to the words; it’s how the individual(s) perceive you, your behavior.  In other words, what are you putting out to the universe and how is the universe receiving it.  I started thinking on who to ask for feedback and as names started popping up in my mind, I started thinking of who would be totally honest and not sugar coat their opinions.  I went with the latter. 

I wrote the email and sent it out – BCC - obviously. The emails slowly started trickling in and as I started to read the words, I had to stop both reading and my mental judgement.  Like seriously “this is not me”, “where is this coming from”, “they don’t know me at all”.  I put the emails aside and sat in silence…thinking.  Hal’s words came back to life that these are their views on what I’m putting out to the universe.  So, I went back and kept reading and re-reading.  I noticed a pattern: Strength – determined, not afraid to step out and try new things… Weakness – does not fully commit to new ventures, puts one foot out but keeps the other inside not fully committing and giving it your all, easily gets bored. Hmmmm… as I read the variations of the same thing – I thought to myself; is this true?  Do I jump to new opportunities but don’t commit?  Do I easily get bored?  The answer, after much reflecting: YES. It's true.  100% - that's me for sure.

I went back to the very first venture I ever tried: Discovery Toys! This goes back to the early 90's.  I honestly don't remember the ins and outs other than it was toys that were to be engaging and foster learning for the young minds.  Then there’s AVON, Mary Kay, Steeped Tea, Herbalife, Origami Owl, Coaching Business and the Photography Business…Also, writing my book!

I was somewhat surprised at the amount of things that popped up that I had started and did not finish or gave up on.   And in regards to my boredom - I do get bored easily and when I get bored - I move on... be it a job or even more seriously: relationships.  I'll dive into the latter on another post.  Was there anything I had started that I had finished? And the only two examples that came to mind where: completing my Associate's and Bachelor's degrees.   

So off course, going back to the feedback from the emails and to the readings from the book, I started to think about WHY.  Why had I started so many things and why had I not followed through?  What was it about my degrees that was so important (apparently), that made me complete them?  I'll be honest - not an easy question to answer.

Here's what I've discovered: While I enjoy the finer things in life - traveling, the beach, staying home (versus working for the man - as they say), wine, shopping, safe and comfortable place to live... I am not motivated by money.  Four out of the nine things above, were NOT driven by money.  Let me explain in detail: 

Mary Kay - I've been using MK products for 20 years!!!  I'm not trying anything else and I'm not stopping.  I figured, why not become a consultant and get my items at a discount and earn some extra cash.  Well, that motivation was not enough because I'm the worse consultant ever!  I rarely advertise, I don't follow-up with people, I don't try to grow my team... I just don't.  However, I will call my Director and order through her (for myself) in a heartbeat.  If I want something, I'm going to get it - money isn't a problem.  So while, yes, I could be getting my products at 50% discount (yup, you read that right - 50%!!!), I much rather pay full price because it's easier for me and the benefits, don't motivate me.   You know what did motivate me when it came to MK? Was the relationship building and meeting new people.  Will I get back to it - I am still an active consultant, after all.  Maybe. But before I do... my "why" needs to be clear.

Now, the three things that do matter are: Coaching business, Photography business AND my book! I love talking and helping people. Particularly women.  I enjoy sitting down and discussing goals, dreams, and coming up with a plan to achieve those dreams.  I enjoy following up with individuals, and I definitely love and enjoy seeing the growth - from mental to physical to financial.  It's a true blessing being a part of the process.  I do miss that.  

Photography business:  I'll be honest... I miss taking pictures.  But I do not miss the demands or expectations of people.  Photography for me was never about the money! Never.  And that's when I lost my interest in it... when I combined my passion with money.   See, photography for me was an escape.  It helped release my stress levels - like for real!  I could easily make $3000 in one day (wedding) - but the stress - was not worth it to me.  And I also, because again photography for me was an escape NOT a business, I was not clear on my "why" and I found myself doing everything in photography: maternity, engagement, wedding, special events, families, landscape, newborns... URGH - it was too much.  So what did I do?  Unbeknownst to my husband, I sold my equipment and stopped taking pictures.  He noticed a few weeks later, when he asked why I wasn't out shooting.  I told him and thank God he wasn't upset.  He understood.  The following Christmas, to my surprise he bought me a new camera - which I still have.  I may get back into photography - but before I do - I'll need to be clear on my "why".

In regards to my book: While I am about 80% finished, there are some things that I'm still holding on to.  There are some things about me, my life - that only a few people know about... and honestly, I am allowing fear of judgement hold me back.  Believe me when I tell you, that I know my story will change lives. I know my story will inspire and motivate many.  And I also know, that people will judge what they don't understand... but that does not change how I feel and my feelings are valid.  I'm a work in progress and I continue to pray to God to guide and help me with this.

Now, the two things that I have managed to start AND finish: my degrees.  This was easy to figure out.  I was a high school drop-out and I wanted to prove something to my children.  I wanted to show them that although mistakes have been made, things can turn around - and you can do whatever you set your mind too... if it's important.  My why: To be the role model my children needed in their lives. They don't need to look at anyone else for inspiration or motivation - I'm their role model.  I also wanted to remind myself that I was not a failure.  I made the mistake of dropping out of school, but that decision would not define me.  Those reasons were enough for me to dig deep inside and succeed.  

So, what is my why?  What will motivate me to put both feet down on the other side?  What will motivate me to move forward and not look back?  What will move me from my current situation (stuck-ish) to maximum success?  What is it that I truly want out of life?

Stay tune...because this I can promise you.... I'm not starting anything that I'm not ready to finish!  I'm not picking up anything that I've started, that I'm not ready to finish. 

I'm all about living free and happy and it's MY TIME.

xoxo-

Maryann

**Share and send me a message/comment. I'd love to hear from you.

I am enough.

I. AM. ENOUGH.

It's a been a few months since my last post and there have been some changes. In this thing called life, change can be a scary thing; it pushes us out of our comfort zones. Change challenges us to be brave, to be authentic, to be bold; change is scary.  While change is scary, doing something that you don't want to do and living an unauthentic life is not only scarier, it's dangerous.  Dangerous because you are robbing yourself of living life according to your truths, strengths, and talents. Dangerous because you are living life wearing a mask.  Dangerous because the relationships you've formed, are not based on realism, but fantasy.  Dangerous because you are not living in your passion and creativity - but someone else's. 

Here's a brief summary of who I am.  At around age 15 I was placed in juvi - labeled a juvenile delinquent.  In and out of juvi homes, at the age of 16 I dropped out of school in the 9th grade.  I remember every detail of what occurred that morning.  A year and a half later I received my GED - while in juvi - as I vowed not to step foot into a city school again!  In terms of academics, here's how it went:

1989 - dropped out of high school

1991 - received GED

1993 - Certificate in General Office Skills obtained

2004 - Associate degree from MCC obtained

2014 - Bachelor's degree from RWC obtained

If I told you that I did not think that was good enough - would you believe me? If I told you that I still feel like a failure - would you believe me?

I started the journey towards the Master's program at RWC a few months after graduating with the Bachelor's.  I dropped after the first class.  A year later I re-enrolled and though I seemed happy about the decision and the new adventure, secretly, I was miserable.  Unlike the OM [Bachelor's major] program in which I looked forward to the assignments and seeing my group, the MSL [Master's major] program was different.  I was not excited about it. Externally, yes - I was. However, internally, from the beginning, I questioned if I was doing the right thing. Was I sure? Would this be enough? Would I be enough? Have I done enough? Will this prove that I am somebody? In spite of my past failures, would this validate me?

A while back I had a life coaching business.  One of the main points I encouraged and challenged individuals on, especially women, was to live an authentic and genuine life.  A life based on one's truths, strengths, and talents.  A life based on one's own voice - and not the voices, opinions, or views of others on how one should live one's life.  I wasn't living on the standards that I was teaching!  The conversations started with my close circle of friends and the prayers were on full force.  I knew deep down what I wanted - what I needed to do, but I was afraid.  I was afraid of letting people down. I was afraid of being seen as a failure.  I was afraid of being labeled a quitter.  I was afraid of people's views and opinions of me.  I was afraid of not being taken seriously.  I was afraid that I would not be enough.  I was afraid of letting down my husband, children, and my friends: the people that matter most to me.

And then...

While in conversations with my circle, the voices in my head were beginning to quiet down.  The truth was, that yes I would be letting them down; and I would also be letting myself down - if I continued living a lie.  If I continued living according to the views of others and not living in my passion and creativity - yes I would be letting people down. I would be letting down the people that matter most to me!

I stopped out of the Master's program - for the second and final time.  Have you ever wrestled with a decision and you were not sure if you would be making the right choice until after you made it? You know that feeling of lightness, peace, and stillness that overcomes you? I FELT IT INSTANTLY!  I knew I was not making a mistake.  I knew I was making the right decision - for ME!  

One of my friends said it best..."You only get one life".  

I've always had a passion and hunger for creativity!  I've talked about writing a book for quite some time and four chapters in, I will be refocusing my energies towards realizing this goal.  I will continue to write my book and see where life takes me.  Photography is another love of mine and I will dive into that adventure.  

I'm a life learner; whether in the classroom or whether in life - I never stop learning.  For today and for this moment I will live life to the fullest....with no regrets.

One click at a time - one keystroke at a time...

**I kindly ask that you share this piece.  Someone out there needs to hear - that she too, is enough** 

Stay fabulous and live life according to YOU!

-ME

Happy in 2016

Happy New Year!

2016 is here – no turning back. I can confidently say that I am glad and thankful to see 2015 in my rear view mirror.  Don’t get me wrong, 2015 was a nice year and many memories were created and several items were crossed off my bucket list. 

I obtained employment after being unemployed for 6 months, I visited 2 countries: Mexico and Dominican Republic, I started the journey towards my master’s degree; I surprised my husband for his 50^th birthday with a week of pampering, which ended with a surprise gathering with close friends.  Another exciting event of 2015 was that my middle child returned home after being away with her dad for 4 years!  My son made me a grandmother! And I also got to spend a lot of time with my close girlfriends.  Oh, I almost forgot one amazing 2015 event – I. Started. Swim. Lessons.  YES!!!  Over the past year my love of reading was unveiled and I read some amazing books.  I’ll list them below and I encourage you to take a look and see which, if any, may resonate with you.  A not so happy event in 2015 was that I decided to close down my MRD Empowerment Solutions coaching business.  Although it was a difficult decision to make, it was one that had to be done.  The time was not right. I am hopeful and confident that, God willing, MRD Empowerment Solutions will be back – and it will be more fabulous than I could ever have desired.  My husband, knowing how much I love photography, blessed me with a new DSLR Nikon camera and though I haven’t been out to take any photos, I am excited to get back to my creative side.

So moving on to 2016…

This year will be my year of abundance.  I am claiming that all areas of my life will be overflowing.  I will donate and travel more.  I will also save more.  I will have more time available to volunteer and create memories with my friends.  I will have more time to listen to my children’s laughter.  I will spend more quality time with my husband.  By the end of 2016 I will only have 2 classes left to finish my master’s.  Perhaps I’ll start looking into a PhD program! Kidding!  I do, however, plan to freely swim in the deep end.  Conversely, I plan on releasing at least 60 pounds.  I say release instead of lose because I don’t want to ever find them again! So I will release and let go.  2016 is a year of fulfillment.  Fulfilled goals – dreams realized.  It is a year of growth; a closer walk with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.  Growth in my marriage and a stronger relationship with my children.  2016 is a year of clarity.  No longer living under others expectations, but living according to my strengths, values, and deep desires.  2016 is the year for Happiness!  That is my mantra and my word for 2016. 

Happiness in all areas of my life!!!

What are you looking for in 2016? Share your comments below.

As always – stay Fabulous….

Happy in 2016 - Maryann

HERE's my list of awesome reads from 2015:

#girlboss by Sophia Amoruso

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert*

The Life List: A Novel by Lori Nelson Spielman*

The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert*

The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer*

This Beautiful Life by Helen Schulman

The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff*

The Next Thing on My List by Jill Smolinski

Have Your Cake and Eat It Too by Cheryl Holland

10 Things for Teen Girls by Kate Conner

The Lifeboat by Charlotte Rogan*

* My favorites and I'm certain I'll reread in the near future!

Philippians 4:13 - Saturday, May 10, 2014

Hi Beautiful People,

It's been a while. I hope you're all doing wonderful and enjoying the glimpses of the sun. I'm hoping we have a fabulously hot summer full of clear blue skies!

Did you happen to catch the title of this blog post? Philippians 4:13 - Saturday, May 10, 2014. This day will be recorded as a special day in my memory book.  The verse - well if it were not for Christ continuously strengthening me, this reality would still be a dream.  I will be walking across the stage at Robert Wesleyan College and receiving my Bachelor of Science degree in Organizational Management. I'm elated!

Why such enthusiasm? See, 24 years ago, on Wednesday, November 15, 1989, I turned 16 and I made a decision that forever changed my life. I walked into my homeroom at Edison Tech High School and dumped all my books on Ms. Deyo's desk. She asked me, "what are you doing"? I told her, "I'm done". I turned and left. She didn't try to stop me. Would I have changed my mind? Only God knows. The interesting thing is that as I went to get on the RTS bus, the driver asked me what I was doing? I told him going home...I just dropped out of school. His response, although ticked me off, didn't change my mind. He told me, "oh you're grown now huh?, well walk your grown behind home"! Yeah, he did not let me get on the bus! So I walked.

I ended up back in juvi (that journey another time).  In and out of juvi for around two years, I ended up getting my GED May 1991.  Three years later I obtained a General Office Skills certificate from REOC.  That certificate helped get my foot into the professional arena. More like a toe! Desiring to be more and have more, I eventually enrolled at MCC.  At MCC I changed majors a few times (that adventure also at another time). Life happened and after starting in 1996, I graduated in 2004. Do the math - quick! Yes, it took me 8 years but I did it.

The road leads me to the present day.  I was comfortable in my profession as an executive/admin assistant, although I had 15+ years of experience, I felt professionally empty - if that makes sense.  I took some time to reevaluate my career goals and realized that I'd always wanted to achieve my bachelors.  I had tried several times and was not successful. The colleges/programs were not for me. 

And as life doesn't stop, I kept on living. The goal was boxed and safely put away.

Have you ever had a goal, vision, or desire that had not been realized and it keeps gnawing at you? It just won't go away! That was my goal and with the encouragement of Mr. D., I reached out to a few people I knew had graduated from Robert's. I asked them a million questions and I signed up for an info session. I enrolled. I was accepted. I finished. I graduate!

To those reading this...young or old, don't EVER give up. If you're breathing, you still can reach that goal and stop that annoying gnawing feeling.  If you've dropped out of high school - try and go back or go get the GED.  If you're contemplating dropping out - DON'T do it! You will regret it.  I wish I had prom pictures to look at and laugh at. I wish I had those memories....  If you've obtained your GED, awesome sauce! Don't stop there. Go further. Get a certificate. REOC and local colleges offer certificate programs.  Whether it's to fulfill a personal or professional goal, education is knowledge and that knowledge will be yours forever.

As for me and my future - I plan on receiving my Masters in Human Resources Management.  I'm looking at a couple of local colleges because I need to be in a classroom. Online does not work for me.

There should be six attendees at my graduation - my mama, dad, 2 daughters, son and hubs. My son is out of town handling some business - but I'll be sure to have lots of photo for him to see and he'll definitely be at my next graduation.

If you ever want to chat or have questions email me at accordingtomdannert@hotmail.com

58 days ago...

Here we are - Thursday, February 27, 2014!  Is time standing still? Is time moving at warp speed?  I think the answer to that is...it depends on what you have been doing with your life over the last 58 days!

There comes a time when we all have decisions to make. They can be small and minor decisions like, what do I wear to work or what will I have for breakfast?  Yet, there are times in life, when we must make decisions that can and will alter our lives...for the better...or for the worse.

In 71 days I will be walking the stage of Robert's Wesleyan College as I graduate with my bachelor's degree in Organizational Management.  The decision for me to return to school and obtain my bachelor's was an easy decision. I did not need to give it much thought other than, how am I going to pay for this?  I've always had the goal of going to school and getting the bachelor's.  For me, this a great achievement and I will be celebrating big!  See, I dropped out of school in the 9th grade. After a couple of years of in and out of juvi - I made the decision to get my G.E.D. {general equivalency diploma}.  I went on to attend R.E.O.C. {SUNY Brockport's Rochester Educational Opportunity Center} where I received a certificate in General Office Skills.  Kids, relationships, etc...later...I went to a 2-year college M.C.C. and received my associate in science. I was thrilled! But I wasn't done. When I met James, and as we got to talking about goals, etc., he encouraged me to go back to school if that was my heart's desire. It was and I did.  When I walk the stage in 71 days, it will be 15 months prior when the journey started.

I tossed and turned for weeks and I prayed and I prayed as to whether or not go on for my master's.  After weeks of back and forth, I made my decision...........................YES! My new vision is to obtain my a Masters in Human Resources Management from Nazareth College.

I decided to do what I've always aspired to do...Be REAL! Be GENUINE! Be ME. 
And I am just great!

Whatever goals you set for yourself, make sure they are for YOU and not someone else.  My ways are not for everyone...just like everyone's ways are not for you.  Take some time to look deep down and hard within yourself. Ask God to guide you. Ask yourself what brings you joy? Happiness? Is it being a coach? Author? Mentor? Public Speaker? Flash mob dancer? Photographer? House wife? Stay-at-home-mom? Single? Married? Blogger? World traveler? Tea enthusiast? Wine enthusiast? 

Whatever you choose, let it be YOUR CHOICE!  That is the only thing that will bring you true happiness.

My life's goal is to be a world traveler! And as live each day, every decision I make will bring me closer and closer to my life's goal. {{To fill the pages of my passport}}
As a close friend said to me "they gave me a passport with lots of pages...I have an obligation to fill it".  And fill it I shall!

Isla Mujeres - Cancun Mexico Feb. 2014

Live Aqua - Cancun Mexico Feb. 2014. RESORT I stayed in.

Beauty! Live Aqua Cancun Mexico Feb. 2014

This is my life. Cancun Mexico Feb. 2014

Closing up 2012...Welcoming 2013

As with every new year, we take a moment to reflect on the occurrences of the current year, the things we envisioned and the reality.  For me, 2012 was filled with many highs and lows; some fun and heart breaks. 

Due to my strong dislike of crowds, we avoid driving to downtown to see the fireworks - instead, we make a short and quick appearance at my parents house which is filled with family members that seem to only get together during the holidays. I find this tradition sad - especially since I have friends who travel many hours across state lines to get together with their family members during the holidays - we all live within 10-15 minutes from one another; yet we only gather during the holidays.  After our short stint at my parents, we journey over to our apartment and watch Ryan Seacrest and the many live performances; crack open the bubbly - clink the glasses, hugs & kisses and off to bed we go. We're in bed by 12:05AM. Another year has come and gone.

The highs and lows of 2012:

-High H visits Ethiopia for her first time with her father & step mother for the entire summer
-Low H drops a bombshell on me that she's staying in Virginia with her father & step mother
-High I get accepted and start Keuka college working  towards my bachelor's degree
-Low after the first semester I have to drop due to no financial aid
-High plans for summer travels - we visit Lancaster PA and go the Syracuse State Fair
-Low deep down hurt and feelings of betrayal on part of H
-High we surprise A with a cell phone and some things she wanted for Christmas
-Low disappointed by the ungrateful behavior displayed by A
-High register A for piano lessons
-Low A doesn't seem to be all into the piano lessons - money wasted!
-High possible miracle which will allow me to return back to school
-Low no word yet still waiting on miracle - more debt? Is it worth it?

As 2013 creeps in - here is what I will be doing...

*Stop trusting people so much...
*Stop worrying about what other people think, say & do...
*Focus on those that live under my roof; and my other 2 children no matter what...
*Cherish each day like it's my last on earth...
*One way or another I will achieve my bachelor's and I'll have only myself to thank debt & all...
*Accept that our children are on 'loan' to us from God and all we can do is wish the best for them - regardless of what road they choose to travel...
*Forget the past - and the people from the past - they're in the past for a reason...
*Embrace my body - muffin top, stretch marks, cellulite and all...!
*Eat healthier & drink more water...
*Keep those friends that push me to be the very best I can be close to me...and the rest at arms length...
*Be wary of those that are always posting scriptures on FB - even the devil knows the bible. Christianity is about a personal relationship with Christ. It's about seeing Christ in that person. Many need a new mirror because the reflection is foggy...
*Not planning any more 'girls only' get togethers - yall already know my plans; so you make the move...
*Remembering why I fell in love & rekindling the romance...we have many many many more years together & before we know it'll be just us...
*Most importantly I will be becoming the mother, wife, daughter, sister, cousin, grand-daughter, niece, aunt, co-worker, employee, friend...Child of God that Christ intended for me to be!

Remember as you're out celebrating...Do NOT use your cellphone WHILE driving! No call or text is worth your life or that of another...Drink and drink good...BUT do not get behind the wheel! Call a cab or have a pre-arranged designated driver!  Have fun and have a safe New Year's! Here's to 2013...