Trust

New day. New lesson. 

According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, trust is "belief that someone or something is reliable, good, honest, effective, etc"

What is a person to do when that trust is broken...and to make matters worse, you don't know the identity of said person?

The old me would curl up into the fetal position and isolate from society. I would shut down and become overly cautious with everyone around me. I've realized that is no way to live!

I'm the type that tends to over share; I over share with those that I believe I can trust and that have the best interest at heart for me.  I go into details about my goals, dreams, aspirations, heartaches, what keeps me up at night, job issues, marital conflicts, family concerns, etc. I talk about my life list, disappointments, fun times, and everything else in between.

Is that wise?

That is today's million dollar question!  Something was brought to my attention about something that someone did. And in all honesty, part of me wants to curl up into the safe fetal position and isolate myself.

Thankfully the sun is shining and I will not fall into old habits.  So this is what I will do...

1. Pray for inner peace
2. Pray for the identity of said individual to be revealed
3. Pray for clarity
4. Continue to trust - with caution
5. Stop over sharing 
6. Continue to smile
7. Hold on tight to the words in Luke 8:17

I am enough.

I. AM. ENOUGH.

It's a been a few months since my last post and there have been some changes. In this thing called life, change can be a scary thing; it pushes us out of our comfort zones. Change challenges us to be brave, to be authentic, to be bold; change is scary.  While change is scary, doing something that you don't want to do and living an unauthentic life is not only scarier, it's dangerous.  Dangerous because you are robbing yourself of living life according to your truths, strengths, and talents. Dangerous because you are living life wearing a mask.  Dangerous because the relationships you've formed, are not based on realism, but fantasy.  Dangerous because you are not living in your passion and creativity - but someone else's. 

Here's a brief summary of who I am.  At around age 15 I was placed in juvi - labeled a juvenile delinquent.  In and out of juvi homes, at the age of 16 I dropped out of school in the 9th grade.  I remember every detail of what occurred that morning.  A year and a half later I received my GED - while in juvi - as I vowed not to step foot into a city school again!  In terms of academics, here's how it went:

1989 - dropped out of high school

1991 - received GED

1993 - Certificate in General Office Skills obtained

2004 - Associate degree from MCC obtained

2014 - Bachelor's degree from RWC obtained

If I told you that I did not think that was good enough - would you believe me? If I told you that I still feel like a failure - would you believe me?

I started the journey towards the Master's program at RWC a few months after graduating with the Bachelor's.  I dropped after the first class.  A year later I re-enrolled and though I seemed happy about the decision and the new adventure, secretly, I was miserable.  Unlike the OM [Bachelor's major] program in which I looked forward to the assignments and seeing my group, the MSL [Master's major] program was different.  I was not excited about it. Externally, yes - I was. However, internally, from the beginning, I questioned if I was doing the right thing. Was I sure? Would this be enough? Would I be enough? Have I done enough? Will this prove that I am somebody? In spite of my past failures, would this validate me?

A while back I had a life coaching business.  One of the main points I encouraged and challenged individuals on, especially women, was to live an authentic and genuine life.  A life based on one's truths, strengths, and talents.  A life based on one's own voice - and not the voices, opinions, or views of others on how one should live one's life.  I wasn't living on the standards that I was teaching!  The conversations started with my close circle of friends and the prayers were on full force.  I knew deep down what I wanted - what I needed to do, but I was afraid.  I was afraid of letting people down. I was afraid of being seen as a failure.  I was afraid of being labeled a quitter.  I was afraid of people's views and opinions of me.  I was afraid of not being taken seriously.  I was afraid that I would not be enough.  I was afraid of letting down my husband, children, and my friends: the people that matter most to me.

And then...

While in conversations with my circle, the voices in my head were beginning to quiet down.  The truth was, that yes I would be letting them down; and I would also be letting myself down - if I continued living a lie.  If I continued living according to the views of others and not living in my passion and creativity - yes I would be letting people down. I would be letting down the people that matter most to me!

I stopped out of the Master's program - for the second and final time.  Have you ever wrestled with a decision and you were not sure if you would be making the right choice until after you made it? You know that feeling of lightness, peace, and stillness that overcomes you? I FELT IT INSTANTLY!  I knew I was not making a mistake.  I knew I was making the right decision - for ME!  

One of my friends said it best..."You only get one life".  

I've always had a passion and hunger for creativity!  I've talked about writing a book for quite some time and four chapters in, I will be refocusing my energies towards realizing this goal.  I will continue to write my book and see where life takes me.  Photography is another love of mine and I will dive into that adventure.  

I'm a life learner; whether in the classroom or whether in life - I never stop learning.  For today and for this moment I will live life to the fullest....with no regrets.

One click at a time - one keystroke at a time...

**I kindly ask that you share this piece.  Someone out there needs to hear - that she too, is enough** 

Stay fabulous and live life according to YOU!

-ME

A step forward

It's February!

Here we are, February 1, 2016! Thirty-two days ago we were celebrating as we rung in a New Year. We promised ourselves many 'new' things in the upcoming year.  How are you doing with those promises? How's the job hunt? How's the updating of your resume? How's weight loss coming along? Have you made peace with the past? Have you started writing your book? Have you looked in to the process of opening up a business?  Have you found a home church?

The beginning of a new year, month, week, day... comes with many possibilities.  Possibilities for a fresh and new start. Yet, shortly after, we give up.  Don't be too hard on yourself - it happens to us all.  I believe that if we keep the 'why' in forefront at all times, it will make the process more doable. Why do you want to lose weight? Why do you want to save money? Why do you want a new job? Why do you want to find a church home? Why do you want to move? Why do you want to buy a house? Why do you want to be in a relationship? Why do you want to leave a current relationship? Etc...

Keeping they 'why' in sight, will make the connection personal.  So if you've fallen or are falling off the wagon, it's okay. Stop, regroup, refocus, get back on - and keep pressing forward! You got this.

So as this is the beginning of a new month, take a moment and focus on the positive! You've accomplished something! Whether big or small, ever accomplishment counts.  Continue to focus on the positive and keep adding positiveness into your life. Don't shine the light on the negative.... When we focus on what we have accomplished and on our strengths, the weaknesses automatically diminish.

Happy February!

Til next time...
MD

Happy in 2016

Happy New Year!

2016 is here – no turning back. I can confidently say that I am glad and thankful to see 2015 in my rear view mirror.  Don’t get me wrong, 2015 was a nice year and many memories were created and several items were crossed off my bucket list. 

I obtained employment after being unemployed for 6 months, I visited 2 countries: Mexico and Dominican Republic, I started the journey towards my master’s degree; I surprised my husband for his 50^th birthday with a week of pampering, which ended with a surprise gathering with close friends.  Another exciting event of 2015 was that my middle child returned home after being away with her dad for 4 years!  My son made me a grandmother! And I also got to spend a lot of time with my close girlfriends.  Oh, I almost forgot one amazing 2015 event – I. Started. Swim. Lessons.  YES!!!  Over the past year my love of reading was unveiled and I read some amazing books.  I’ll list them below and I encourage you to take a look and see which, if any, may resonate with you.  A not so happy event in 2015 was that I decided to close down my MRD Empowerment Solutions coaching business.  Although it was a difficult decision to make, it was one that had to be done.  The time was not right. I am hopeful and confident that, God willing, MRD Empowerment Solutions will be back – and it will be more fabulous than I could ever have desired.  My husband, knowing how much I love photography, blessed me with a new DSLR Nikon camera and though I haven’t been out to take any photos, I am excited to get back to my creative side.

So moving on to 2016…

This year will be my year of abundance.  I am claiming that all areas of my life will be overflowing.  I will donate and travel more.  I will also save more.  I will have more time available to volunteer and create memories with my friends.  I will have more time to listen to my children’s laughter.  I will spend more quality time with my husband.  By the end of 2016 I will only have 2 classes left to finish my master’s.  Perhaps I’ll start looking into a PhD program! Kidding!  I do, however, plan to freely swim in the deep end.  Conversely, I plan on releasing at least 60 pounds.  I say release instead of lose because I don’t want to ever find them again! So I will release and let go.  2016 is a year of fulfillment.  Fulfilled goals – dreams realized.  It is a year of growth; a closer walk with Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior.  Growth in my marriage and a stronger relationship with my children.  2016 is a year of clarity.  No longer living under others expectations, but living according to my strengths, values, and deep desires.  2016 is the year for Happiness!  That is my mantra and my word for 2016. 

Happiness in all areas of my life!!!

What are you looking for in 2016? Share your comments below.

As always – stay Fabulous….

Happy in 2016 - Maryann

HERE's my list of awesome reads from 2015:

#girlboss by Sophia Amoruso

Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert*

The Life List: A Novel by Lori Nelson Spielman*

The Signature of All Things by Elizabeth Gilbert*

The Untethered Soul by Michael A. Singer*

This Beautiful Life by Helen Schulman

The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff*

The Next Thing on My List by Jill Smolinski

Have Your Cake and Eat It Too by Cheryl Holland

10 Things for Teen Girls by Kate Conner

The Lifeboat by Charlotte Rogan*

* My favorites and I'm certain I'll reread in the near future!