All alone... well, it feels like it!

I see why I have not made it as a full-time blogger! My last post was over two years ago. EEEK!  So much has happened and I guess the place to begin is where I left off.

First and foremost, guess what y'all - I'm a published author!!! YES I AM. Here's the back story and a quick synopsis. 

Summer of 2016, we went on our very first cruise. My hubby and I, along with my two daughters got in the car and drove...yes drove 24 hours from Rochester, NY to Miami, FL! Thinking back, that trip was an eye opener and if I would stick to something, it could have opened many doors. While I don't call exactly when it happened, I remember my coach, Cheryl Holland, posted on Facebook about looking for women who wanted to collaborate and write a chapter in her upcoming book on overcoming unhealthy and toxic romantic relationships. As I had several relationships to pick from, I reached out to Cheryl and we had our phone interview as I drove to Miami, FL.  A short few months later - I became a published author... not just a published author but an Amazon #1 Bestselling Author! The book is called W.O.M.B. Sister Chronicles - Volume 1. W.O.M.B. stands for Women Overcoming Men Blues. We are 15 brave, courageous and vulnerable women who share intimate details on how we dealt with an unhealthy/toxic relationship and how we found the courage and strength to leave the relationship.  I encourage you to buy a copy! Here's the link - be sure you choose VOLUME 1 to read my story: www.wombsisters.com/products/?wpam_id=4 Again, be sure you choose Volume 1 (book 1).

So the book is done and we have a book launch November 2016... and that was that... sort of...  

Earlier in 2016, I created and started a life coaching business: MRD Empowerment Solutions. My vision was to inspire and empower women who were stuck, to live a free and happy life by discovering their own and unique voice. It's funny how everyone comes to you for advice and to talk - yet, when you need them the most - they are not there. As with anything we tend to venture towards, we look for support from our friends and family. Needless, to say, I became one of those stuck women I was so eager to help! I slowly backed off and shut everything down. Like a snail, I went back into my shell - my safe place.  

As I write this now [June 28, 2018], I realize that my number one reason for leaving Rochester, wasn't necessarily because of my daughter (middle one)... it was because I needed an escape. I was not happy. Nothing was working in Rochester and I felt "blah". I was working a job that I did not like.  My girls only get togethers, while many looked forward to it and often well attended, it wasn't what I truly envisioned. My children... one was grown with a child of his own and on his own and my middle one - she was also almost gone and my youngest, while 14, she was focused on her wants/needs... friends, school, social media, social life, shopping... you know, typical teenage stuff.  One of my three best friends was leaving the country and my other two BFF's were busier than ever - although we always made time for one another. I know Dude tried to do the best he could: That's the thing though, we have to figure things out for ourselves. Yes, having the support is important, but ultimately, we must do the work.

So here it was sometime in January, and my daughters and I were having a conversation about leaving Rochester and move to Florida as my middle child would be stationed in Pensacola, FL and her wife (then fiance) wanted to be closer to her... we made the decision to leave Rochester. After getting Dude on-board, I spoke to one of my long-time friends in FL about it and she suggested I stay with her until I found a job and could then find my own place. So that's what we did. I updated my resume, posted it on various online job boards, gave notice at my job, started packing and February 16, 2017, Dude and I made the journey to Sanford, FL - arriving February 17, 2017. He flew back to Rochester two days later.  We made the transition slowly: first me, then DIL, then kid, then Dude - who finally joined us November 2017.

If I could turn back time - I would. I would of stayed in Rochester, NY. As much as I dislike the snow, slush, cold, ice storms, blizzards, dreariness... nothing beats feeling like I'm lost.  And that's how I feel presently. I feel lost.  I'm in a state where I know several people - who live in different parts of the state, from a few hours to a few minutes.  And while I have met some nice folks, and I can see myself remaining friends with them for years to come... it is not the same.  The rut that I was escaping from in Rochester, followed me here.  I don't foresee myself ever moving back to Rochester. However, I remain open to whatever God sees fit for myself.  Especially since I never envisioned myself living in Florida!  Dude and I talked about leaving Rochester eventually, and FL was NEVER in the plan - ever!  We talked about the Carolina's, Virginia, Arizona, Maryland and maybe even Texas - but never FL. It just never appealed to me/us. YET - here we are.

So what happens next? Good question... 

I recently told Dude that I hate the fact that he truly loves his job! Why do I hate the fact that HE loves his job??? Because he left a job of 23 years in Rochester to follow my foolish desires and I cannot do that to him... I cannot rip him away [again] from something he enjoys because I cannot STICK TO SOMETHING!!!

URGH.

For now, I'll have to live with the decision I made. There is more to come - I know God has some awesome plans for me and I'm ready. There's a reason why the last line in the above paragraph is bolded, underlined and italicized. More on that in the next post.  Don't worry - it won't be two years from now.

Hugs and kisses,
MD